Well I'll try not to make it a long story..but I have 47 years of heartache.. I'm turning 47 in a couple of weeks and still have not came out to my mother.. My father passed away 5 yrs ago..us never having the conversation in fear of loosing the only man in my life that meant everything to me..so after 3yrs I finally went to a psychologist ...conclusion..I couldn't get over my father being gone because I always knew he loved me and did everything for me..but accept who I am once I realized that ..I let go and forgave myself for my own demise and hurt..and I let go of the fact I would never gain his respect or acceptance. So there leaves my mother and 2 brothers..the older brother tormented me growing up mentally and physically ..which now our relationship isn't perfect ..but I pretend it is for the sake of his children and being a lesbian has never been discussed although he knows. My younger brother is more understanding to a point..we too have never had the conversation but he knows..and their wives also know. So it began with my parents suspecting I was gay..even though I tried to have the neighborhood boyfriend. I always dreamed and fantizied about girls..but knowing that my family were so against it I kept quite and kept pretending..but as I got older I could not hide my emotions as well..and began having relationships with girls in a small town..parents had suspected this and called a meeting between me the girl and her parents to forbid such nonsense and if we didn't each parents would take drastic measures..this force me to move away at 17 never to return to my hometown til this day.. Thru out these 47 yrs of my life I have had serval relationships lasting 5 yrs or less ... The fear and keeping my gf a secret destroyed everyone my relationships..as soon as the parents would question and probe to much about my life I would end it..being alone again to.start over.. And I would ask myself why do I do this..because it was always the thought of being kicked out of my family and the 2 people I had admired all my life would no longer accept me...so the charade would continue...them never knowing the pain I was always in or the hurt that never went away. So to the present.. Since my dads passing 5yrs ago..I've gotten closer to my mom..but not too close..she always comments "well I guess you'll never marry or have children..maybe you just haven't found Mr right...and I'll respond " no mom I won't marry and children just wasn't in the cards for me. I guess after all these yrs the fear of not being accepted and losing my mother still hurts to deep..but I.want to tell her I need to tell her..but the look of disappointment kills me.. What if she doesn't accept me...then all these yrs of protecting my heart and hers have been in vain. Please if you have any serious advice I need to hear it.. Just hurting inside.:icon_sad:
Firstly (*hug*) I am truly sorry for you, being as young as I am, I probably have no right to comment but I hope you will listen all the same. I am afraid of keeping my entire life a secret from family especially for as long as you have and I completely understand how heart-broken you must have been for all of these years. You must be supporting yourself with a job, a house, friends and all of that which is a great starting point. It is best to tell your family one at a time, starting with the closest member as they are more likely to support your coming out to the rest. Another thing is to always have a plan, never do it alone because they will give you strength and make you feel more brave. I don't know what else to really say. The rest is determined by you. Keep strong and lets hope you can live happily. (*hug*)
You are in a very hard place in your life. Because you lost your father 5 years ago you are in fear of losing your mom to your truth on who you are. I can relate to the point that my father died when I was 9 years old. Though I was not out then the pain is still strong in my heart. When I first came out to my mother I was in fear that I was going to lose her to my truth about being a lesbian. I grew up in a very religious Roman Catholic household. When my father died my mother never remarried. She remained true to her children. My mother is my rock and my best friend. I honestly was dying inside withholding the truth from her. She to said oh you haven't found Mr. Right or are not going to get married. It got to the point that I had to be true to myself and honest to her. I took the risk of pouring my heart out to her in a letter. Explaining to her that my secret was killing me inside. I needed her to be a part of my life no matter who I loved. I would alway love her but I knew that if she could not accept me then I would have to accept that. Let me ask you, Do you have a love in your life? If you do is she supportive? Having another person in your life helps. But if you don't.... you have to be free. Free from secrets, free from all the hurt you feel inside. I have a feeling that because you are closer to your mother since your father passing she may be able to accept you for who you are. Though I don't know your mom....she may not want to lose you either. Have you hinting towards being a lesbian? I wish I could give you more advice but not knowing your mom is hard. You just need to be set free. I know how hurt you are you have a difficult decision to make.
You have my sympathy. The idea of leaving the closet is scary. However, I have to disagree with you. You're not really protecting anyone's heart. You're protecting a lie. I was also protecting a lie. The lie that I was straight. You've no doubt been raised to be honest. I'm not telling you to hurt your mom. Find a way to tell her gently and with care. I doubt anything you could say would change her love for you. In the end she will respect your honesty.
