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Would it be better to come out quickly, or gradually?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rachael222, Aug 11, 2013.

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  1. Rachael222

    Rachael222
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    Location:
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    So I've been mulling over sexual orientation for years and years now, and I'm getting pretty bored of it. A while back, I set myself a coming out "deadline" of the end of this summer, which is when I'll be back to university, and I pretty much won't get another chance during a time when I'm not bogged down with work and such until possibly next summer (in my mind this would perhaps make it a bit less stressful). I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment too, which I'm hoping will be helpful.

    At the moment I'm currently out to my parents, and about 4 friends. My question now is, what would be a good way to tackle the rest? I've thought about either doing it all in one week - telling my remaining close friends and then changing my facebook for anyone else; or else just telling my close friends, and then waiting a while, and telling more people. I dunno, I kind of just want it over and done with already but then I don't want to give myself a heart attack.

    Oh, also. I came out to some of my friends, including some of my flatmates (all girls) as "not straight". Should I re-clarify that I am actually gay? I was thinking of mailing them before we go back, a causal kind of mail and just add that in somewhere. I dunno.

    And finally, HOW DO I ACT AROUND PEOPLE AFTER? I'm paranoid it's going to be super awkward and I'm going to have no friends, or the ones I do have will be scared of me hitting on them or something. I'm the only lesbian I know of in my entire extended social circle, although I know enough gay men to form a small army.

    Anyone who has any advice, it would be much appreciated.
     
    #1 Rachael222, Aug 11, 2013
  2. BlueLines

    BlueLines
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    I wish I was out to as many people as you are. I would just say do whatever you feel comfortable with, I know it's easier to come out to some people then others and I could see where telling the people you live with could get a little awkward, but I would be upfront with them. In my experience that has always made things easier in the end and it should help ease some anxiety.

    As far as how to act, I just say be yourself, that's all one really can do. If your friends don't accept you for who you really are then its time for better friends. I was paranoid about telling one of my friends that I'm gay, but he was just really happy I was up front with him and he was more then ok with it.
     
    #2 BlueLines, Aug 11, 2013
  3. Rachael222

    Rachael222
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    I'm sure you will be soon! Yeah I think I'll feel a lot better if I do clear it up with them as I'm pretty sure they're not going to mind which is lucky.

    I know you're right about needing to get better friends if my friends do take it badly, I can't thinking I'd still take it pretty badly if they did though, but hey I guess I'd just have to get over it lol, and anything has got to be better than having it all banging around in my head.
     
    #3 Rachael222, Aug 12, 2013
  4. BlueLines

    BlueLines
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    I know getting over bad friendships can be really hard, I have gone though a few of these, but bad friends are something you just have to get over and move on from, In the end though it really helps you appreciate the really awesome people in your life. So when I had some friendships go sour it was good to find out who I could really count on.

    I know all this is a huge weight and when I finally came out to the people I did, it really helped me feel a lot better, it also really helped clear my mind too. As a good friend told me not too long ago, being gay doesn't define who you are, only who you are attracted to. :slight_smile: So just be who you are and enjoy yourself! (!)
     
    #4 BlueLines, Aug 12, 2013
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