I don't think I want to

So far I've told 7 or 8 people and a therapy ground that I'm bisexual. Of that group, I've only told 2 (two of my best friends) that I'm...wherever the heck I am on the gender scale, which I'm not 100% on myself but that's another problem for another time.

Last week I told my Dad because I was worried about how my Grandparents would react if they ever had to find out. He was cool about it and I'm pretty sure he has my back.

Unfortunately I think my Mum knows. There are several things wrong with this:
1. I didn't tell her
2. Nobody I know told her
3. I'm 23, if I didn't tell her she shouldn't know
4. IF she knows, I know how she found out
5. I don't actually WANT her to know yet

The first three are self explanatory. If I didn't tell her and none of the people I've told have told her there is no reason to know or even suspect anything about my sexuality or gender thoughts. Hell my flaming therapist was suprised!

Which leads me to 4. If she knows, she knows because she searched my room. I currently live at home (not through choice...) and the woman has a poor concept of privacy and boundaries. So far I sound paranoid and I'm sure I'll get worse, but I'll carry on. I know she searched my room because she told me she did. I went away for a week to see my brother and she claims "I was looking for a form you wanted and when we spoke on the phone you said you didn't know where it was". There are two problems with that. 1, we never spoke about it on the phone, ever. 2, the form was sitting in a marked envelope with her name on it on the cooker and at least 4 people knew where it was. So she did search my room but there is no way it was to look for a form.

Unfortunately, there are only a few places to look for things in my room. Under the bed and in my computer drawers. The drawers are OK. 1 draw has computer stuff. 1 draw has paper and pencils. The bottom draw had from bottom to top, empty boxes, a porn DVD, a small mirror, makeup and makeup remover, a butt-cleaning device, a toilet roll and a pair of womens underwear. Under my bed are ammo-crates with my 'toys', two wigs and a set of womens clothes. Now I don;t have a girlfriend and I haven;t had one for...ooh around seven years so there is no denying the things are mine.

My concern is that she has found one or more of the above and now refuses to mention it in case I get cross with her. Why do I think that? Because if my mum wants to talk have a difficult conversation she tries to make you bring it up by hinting quite heavily that something else might be up. I told her that things in my head seems to be slotting into place (I'm currently dealing with serious depression so sorting out my head has been important) and when I told her how I had realised things about just going for it and doing the things that came my way instead of saying "I'm not doing that because..." she said "Oh good, do you think there are other things you need to figure out...?". It's not just that one time, it's been happening for like a week or more.

The point is, I'm pretty sure she suspects something but won't bring it up because she correctly assumes I'll be angry at her for going through my stuff while I was away. I also refuse to bring it up myself because I don't WANT her to know yet and I refuse to be forced into it. Moreover even if I was comfortable telling her I'm bi, I am nowhere NEAR comfortable discussing the rest with her. I'm not sure what to do with it...

Sorry for long post, it's been bugging me recently but if I post it to my blog I'd have to rewrite it all to put it here for advice