I've read all the coming out letters in the resources page, but I felt like I should write one on my own due to the unique nature of my situation (I'm Jewish and Orthodox, so pretty much like any situation where religion is a concern). If you could give it a quick read and let me know what you think, that would be very much appreciated. I also included an FAQ to avoid some of the more awkward questions, which is also below and a list of resources relating to Judaism and homosexuality (there's a lot surprisingly). Dear Mom and Dad, I have something very important to tell you. I hope you still accept me afterwards. If it takes you time, that's alright. It took me some time to as well. At this point in the letter, I'm pretty sure you know what it's going to say. If not, here it is: I am gay ([English teacher's name] told never to use contractions in formal writing). I know this may be hard for you to accept, especially considering the fact that, you know, I'm supposed to be put to death for it and all (see Lev. 20:13). But to look on the bright side, having a gay kid is the new trend in society, so consider yourselves "with it". However like I said, if it takes you guys awhile to accept this aspect of me, I'm fine with that. The reasoning behind that is it took me more than a year to truly accept myself. It was actually a very interesting route to acceptance. At first I managed to convince myself I was asexual (not liking anyone). That lasted for about a month until I realized I liked Calvin Klein ads just a little bit too much to be considered asexual. Then I tried to make myself straight through watching Victoria's Secret ads. That worked for about 5 seconds when I realized the futility of the whole exercise. Then I spent the rest of the year getting comfortable with this aspect of myself, being gay that is, through reading about the possible biological basis for it. After I understood that it was something natural and immutable through effort (sexuality in and of itself is fluid, although much more so female sexuality than male sexuality) only then was I able to accept it. So I fully understand what you're going through right about now. I'm so sorry that I feel I have to do this via letter, but I'm quite scared to see how you're going to react. I truly apologize putting you through this difficult exercise again (remember two years ago when I came out verbally?). However, this time I felt I softened the blow by hinting at it throughout by repeatedly saying I'm not going to get married, which is a lie in and of itself. I am going to get married, although not to the gender you want me to. Or you may be totally fine with me marrying a member of my gender. I also hinted it at/fielded the waters by bringing up gay issues (remember me harping on and on about Pope Francis?). And dad, when did I become so knowledgeable about fashion? About when I realized that I was gay. And observation of people, downtown especially. And Dad, if you think me wearing a Gap short-sleeve button-down is metrosexual, wait till you see what people wear downtown. I have included a FAQ, with questions that you asked me last time I came out, fully answered. I also included a list of sites mainly relating to Judaism and homosexuality but also just one general support group with no religious affiliation. I'd like to end with a quotation ([English teacher's name] would be so proud of my correct usage of the word "quotation" vs. "quote"). As Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks says, "[c]ompassion, sympathy, empathy, understanding - these are essential elements of Judaism. They are what homosexual Jews who care about Judaism need from us today." This is what I hope to receive from you. You've loved me since my birth, or at least you say you do. I hope this doesn't affect anything between us. My apologies if it does. Love, Westley Looking forward to your responses.
It's a good formal letter, but I like that you kept it light with "look on the bright side". Here's a couple suggestions for edits. * Encourage them to have a positive response even though you may expect that they won't. As part of this, I'd suggest removing the direct reference to Leviticus -- they will likely know the verse, but no need to remind them of it and how negative it is. However, I think it's really good that you are open and accepting towards whatever their response is, since that encourages you to have a good relationship. * Their reaction is not your fault. You don't need to apologise for coming out and for if the relationship between you and your parents changes; this is your telling them who you are. * I wouldn't include the "or at least, [you] say you do [love me]" line at the end, again because it may encourage a negative response and because if they really do love you then they may be offended. However, it's up to you. Good work, and I really hope it goes well for you. Please keep us posted!
I came out to my father through a short note that I handed him. I was there when he read it. I don't see anything wrong with writing a letter. Your letter is fantastic, and I agree with the suggested edits above. Just through a positive light on it every way you can. It isn't bad!
