Hi, I'm having some trouble with coming out! Neither of my parents seem to have a problem with gay people. My sister uses 'gay' commonly as an insult, and is sort of insulting towards gay people in general, but I wouldn't say it's anything major. All of them comment on many things, like they comment on many of the more 'extravagant' kinds of gay people you can see on TV. I can almost see this as normal (not really excusable, but hey, let's face it, many people are like that). I obviously want to come out to them, but it's not really easy to me since they might be disappointed or something. I don't know what to do about my sister, since she will either be the most accepting (she has friends who are gay, plus she's probably more 'modern' than my parents) or the least accepting. I'm not sure what order to do this in. Another problem I have is coming out to my friends. None of them show any signs of being AGAINST gay people (apart from one, we'll get to him later) but they show nothing about being okay with it. I feel like some will drift away from me a little, and I don't want that. One, who I don't really consider my friend (but they consider me theirs) is EXTREMELY homophobic, boasting of violence towards gay people, talking about bulls*it things that 'they do'. If I were to come out to the rest of my friends, he would find out. What I'm basically asking is what order to I tell all these people? And how do I tell them? Thanks.
This might fly in the face of your gut, but here's what mine is telling me: Tell your sister first. I realize it's something of a risk, but I don't think it is as big a risk as you think. You say that she has gay friends, I take this as a large indicator that she'll be supportive. Then I'd come out to your parents. Again, not a huge risk here from what you've said. After you have that support network, I'd come out to the riskiest group (your friends). I only say that because of the homophobic friend that you have - it seems most of your friends will be fine, and perhaps even have your back against your homophobic friend.
I agree with rainbow man about coming out to your sister first, so she can be there with you when you tell your parents just don't let her rush you into telling your parents, do it when you feel comfortable. As for your homophobic friend....I've had a friend like that too, and when I came out to him he made a lot of jokes most of which hurt my feelings more than he had thought.just don't let people like that run all over you, it doesn't give them a right to treat you badly just because your gay.
Thanks, I was kind of thinking that. A lot of my other friends don't particularly care for the homophobic guy. He's just kind of there. I don't really know what to make of him. He might go crazy and violent attacking me, or he might sulk away somewhere. He's strong, that's all I know for sure. My sister is a risk, but if two of you think that it's best I tell her first then that helps me. I hope all goes well! :-/ ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2013 at 12:53 AM ---------- Thanks!
It would be best if you tell your most *closest friends first. If they are really your friends, they will still be your friends. About that Homophobic friend, say to him that you don't want to be his/her friend for personal reasons. If it comes down to it, you may have to tell him/her. Closest Friends first because they can give you face-to-face support and help you through it. I am NOT saying you shouldn't pay attention to Empty Closets. Your in-person friends are to help you during School, Etc., like that. For your parents, keep calm and tell them calmly. But if you think that they won't approve of your Sexuality, wait until you can support yourself, because, there is a large chance that they might kick you out, and unless you have a backup plan, you'll most likely be on the streets. If you are positive that your parents will approve of your Sexuality, tell them when you have their complete attention. No matter what, always be prepared for questions like "Was it something I/we did?", "Are you sure it's not just a phase?", and "What about grandchildren?" I hope this helps?
