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Homophobic Roommate

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by avignon, Aug 14, 2013.

  1. avignon

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    Right now, I am taking an internship abroad together with my schoolmates. I share a room with one of them and the other is a girl so she's staying in another apartment. Recently, I have met a guy who gave me the push and support I needed to come out. So far, I have told four of my friends here (including my girl schoolmate) and two friends abroad via skype.

    Now, I have been thinking if I should tell my roommate about my sexuality. I have been going out a lot and have already gone home twice because of the guy that I met. He has been wondering where I've been going and even asked my close friend here. The reason why I don't want to tell him is because of his homophobia. Whenever we see a gay person, he would just blurt out stupid comments. Also, there was this one time during our first week here when we saw gay guys who dressed like girls. He was so disgusted with them, but I just kept telling him not to mind them. Aside from that, he might get so awkward with me especially that we share one room. Lastly, my final concern is that if I come out to him, he might not keep his mouth shut and tell everyone back in my home country. I do plan to come out to everyone, but I want to be the one to tell people about it.

    So... what should I do?


    If you want to read my whole story, here is the link:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/104324-achieving-milestones-month.html
     
  2. GayNerd

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    Do not tell your Homophobic friend. He will most likely not only tell everyone, but also kick you out. Trust me. He could if he wanted to.

    Please wait until you can get a place of your own. If you end up having to tell your Homophobic friend about your Sexuality, be sure to tell your friends and family that aren't Homophobic first. That way, even if your Homophobic friend does tell people, you still told the people closest to you first.

    I hope this helps.
     
  3. Data

    Data Guest

    When coming out, I always suggest doing so UNLESS you are in danger or it could make things hard/awkward for you in daily life. You don't have to tell him. If he pressures you, you can always say "It would not be good for you to know." or "It would damage our friendship." or even "I am not comfortable discussing it and I don't need to explain myself to anyone." Obviously you don't want to bring dates home, but if you go out and date other guys completely out of his vision and in a way that doesn't affect him, why should he care what you do outside the apartment?
     
  4. Argentwing

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    Data, sorry to say but all of those dodgy answers are an obvious "Yes." If the OP plans to stay secret, it has to be a lie. That sucks a whole lot, but if there is a serious risk of destruction of life elements, he's better off with the roommate not even considering the possibility.
     
  5. Data

    Data Guest

    Well they could be considered a "yes" if the roomate suspects that the op is gay in the first place. I suppose you're right, I just don't like to lie because then down the road you have to REMEMBER that lie so you can tell it again if needed and remain coherent. This is a bad situation for sure. I guess perhaps I'n underestimating the roommate's homophobia.

    Play it safe by all means necessary.
     
  6. swifter

    swifter Guest

    well get together with the friends you already came out to, tell them that you plan on telling him and you need their support when he reacts either shocked or aggressively, and they have to help you reassure him. but just tell him you are gay let him digest what he just heard from you, if you say too much information there might be a couple of conflicts.

    once that he seems well and you don't expect him to be aggressive, tell him that just because you are gay it doesn't mean anything will change in your friendship unless he comments with a disgusting statement (hence the reason why you need your friends' support) which then why keep an unhealthy friendship.
     
  7. avignon

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    Hmmm... yea, I guess it's not that important to tell him now. It's just that I'm getting sick of lying. He knows that I've met new friends (one girl and one guy) and I've been hanging out with them every week. Later, I'll be meeting him again and might sleep in his apartment once more. This will be the third time that I'll be sleeping with him and the first time this happened, I just told him that I got so drunk so I just slept at a friend's apartment.

    BTW, there's a typo in my first post. I just do not know how to edit it

     
    #7 avignon, Aug 14, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2013
  8. Jimi

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    I hate when straight guys think the world revolves around them. I guess keep it to yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation and it's none of his business where you spend your time. If he really, really wants to know, then let em' have the answer. Other than that, just keep the peace until you find someone who isn't an ignorant swine.
     
  9. LuvMyIB

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    May I ask why would you want to come out to him? If you know that he is homophobic then you may want to keep who you are to yourself until you are back in your country. Right now might not be a good time to come out. You need to protect yourself.
     
  10. avignon

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    As I've said earlier, I'm getting sick of lying. Besides, all my other friends want to meet my guy. If we all hang out together and leave my roommate behind, then, it would just suck, and I'll feel bad about it.

    For now though, I'm taking your advice that I should keep it to myself. Thank you! (*hug*)
     
    #10 avignon, Aug 16, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2013