My Story So Far..

Alrighty kids, it's story time! Let's all sit in a circle, get some tea and biscuits and get all emotional. (!)
But in all seriousness, I did think that I didn't have a point in making this thread, since I have come out to only one person and I actually came out to her on August 4th. I think I'll probably keep this thread updated as much as possible, which probably won't be much, since I'm not really rushing the coming out thing. But anyways, let's get started.

I have been aware of my gayness (yeah I said gayness :U ) for about... 3 years? I fully came to terms with it about a year ago. And then I started thinking about coming out, but I thought that it would still be too soon. So I waited. During that time I developed several crushes, which were goddamn unbearable, but they went away in time. But yeah, I waited. It was getting harder though, since I was at that age where people around me were getting involved and everything and the topic "girls" became much bigger than it used to be. So I felt rather uncomfortable.

As time went on (like a few months or weeks) I began thinking more seriously about the coming out thing. Hell, I even wanted to ask a few of my friends to go out, so that I can talk to them in person. I wrote the question, like in Facebook or just as a text, but I could never send it, since I saw that once I was going to do it, there was no way of going back. So yeah, there was this impending fear that I wasn't going to be accepted and yatta yatta yatta. So I drowned myself with school and other things. Okay to be honest, school was already drowning me, so I just had to succumb to that. Oh the joy was overwhelming :T.

But about several months later, now about 4 months ago, I began thinking about that again. And then I was more serious than ever. But it seems that it took me another 3 months to finally send that going out request to a friend. I really couldn't choose who was going to be first, so I just picked randomly. I didn't want to burden my best friends just yet, so I took a person who has been with me since I was very little, and I was almost certain that she'd understand. I mean, when I was a child, I put leaves in my pants so that she'd like me :U That was fun. But anyways, she agreed in going out, and I was like "ok then, see you.". The fact that I was going to come out to someone hadn't really hit me just yet.

So the day had arrived. I called her at first, but she said she was a wee bit busy, so I agreed that she'd call me when she's done with her errands. When she did, I dressed up, walked around the house nervously for like... 20 times, but it still hadn't hit me. I actually needed to listen to music when I was walking towards her house and I had time to listen to two songs.

Milo Greene - 1957 [Official Video] - YouTube

and

Milo Greene - Don't You Give Up On Me [Audio] - YouTube

Hell, the second song made me feel like I was in a TV show or something. But in any case, I was going to come out. And then it hit me. It finally hit me that I was going to do it. This was going to be a huge step for me. At least I thought so at first. And then I arrived. I wanted to call her and say that I'm at her house, but she had already seen me, so she came out and fucking scared the shit out of me! She literally flew out of the door like a goddamn... I don't know what.

And then I realized that I was ridiculously hot, sweaty and nervous. I mean, I was sweating like I had ran for several kilometres. I actually began thinking of how I was going to say it. I mean, I had made up scenarios and speeches for a year and I still didn't know how to do it. She just said that say it, say what you want to say. I think she thought that I might be dying or something. But then I said that I'm gay and she was speechless for a moment and then she came back and was really okay with it. I didn't really expect her to be THAT supportive. But she was and I'm glad that she was. It made everything so much better and easier. I was over the moon about that. (!) Then we talked a little. Like about gay rights and marriages and how she didn't think I was gay at all, since I apparently look and act like a straight dude. And then after she had to go, I went home with a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. I was truly relieved and goddamn happy about it. I actually thought that I should come out to someone else that same day as well. But then I remembered that I didn't want to like.. suffer a breakdown from stress and nervousness and whatnot. So I decided to take it slow. To date, she is still the only friend who knows about this.

I actually thought about telling my two best mates about that, but I remembered that one of them was like... a homophobe to a degree and such, so I refrained from doing that. However, on Sunday, I got to be the witness to a wonderful surprise. The two best mates and I went out, played some football and then I offered to bake them cookies. So I did that, they were at my place, played Skyrim, the piano and whatnot. Then later on, we talked about stuff. We talked about our future plans and other stuff. AND we also talked about gay people. It turns out that one of my mates would be perfectly okay with it. The other one said that he actually hates gays, but if one of his friends were to be gay, then he'd be okay with it, and get used to that quite quickly. I didn't really expect that and it was a delightful surprise. Now I'm actually thinking of perhaps telling them sometime.

Also, they invited me to hang out at their band house / room / place. I said that I wasn't really in the mood, since the people there weren't exactly the ones I knew very well. I also said that I had "personal reasons" as to why I didn't want to go. I said that half-jokingly. And then, they said: "If there is anyone who can understand your "personal reasons", it's us." That reminded me why they were my best mates in the first place. It was a damn good feeling and again, I thought about coming out to them right there right now. But I let it slide that one time. I do think that I'll come out to them as well soon enough. I actually think that they may even know already, since I have left some hints and they have themselves been suspicious and even left hints that they know. But we'll see.

So this is my story so far. I'll try to update things and such, if anything changes, but please, right now, you're free to read through this and give your opinions, thoughts, suggestions and whatnot. Cheers!

 

And shiiet, I think this should be in the "stories" section? D:

 

Thanks man, much appreciated

Yeah, I know what you mean. I was a tad bit confused as well, since he clearly stated that he "hates gays", but if one of his friends were gay, he'd eventually get used to it. But meh, as long as he'd be willing to accept me, then that's fine. And again, thanks, means a lot (*hug*)

 

Thanks

And with that, I'll be making an update. Exactly a week ago now, I took the good advice you guys gave me and came out to my best friends. I had not intended to tell them at all, it just.. kinda happened. I didn't really tell them myself, they guessed and at one point I just said "yes". I can't even remember what we were talking about in the first place :U But yeah, I'm glad they know now, makes my life a whole lot easier actually. I'll try to keep this thread updated and such if anything happens Thank you guys, EC rocks!