What does 'coming out' truly mean?

One of the purposes of LGBT community events is precisely to address the problem of identification. If you participate in such things, you are most likely LGBT and it removes that barrier from the get-go.

Other means include wearing some symbol like the rainbow bracelet, but not everyone picks up on that(which is actually not a bad thing, as it may also not be recognized by homophobes), but many LGBT do recognize it (until it eventually gets co-opted by straight people...).

There are many ideas to consider here at EC, keep looking!

 

Does being straight mean you have to tell every person you come across which of the women in the room you would have sex with?

Coming out seems to just mean revealing when necessary part of who you are.

 

^ I agree with this. For me, I decided to come out again (I came out twice--once as bisexual then as gay) because I was with a man for many years. And I didn't want my family and friends to be confused once they saw me with a woman. Also, it was really important for me to open with them because I am family oriented. I am very open about my dating life and my current relationship. I was closeted and felt ashamed for so long that I felt liberated afterwards. And being out to my family and friends made me more feel more confident sharing that part of my life with others as well.

 

Being out pretty much means not having to ignore the topic or your attraction.

You don't have to introcue yourself as gay by any means, and I think that would be a tad weird, but you just don't have to hide it anymore.

So, think about it for a bit. How do you know other people's sexuality? Do they comment on who they like or who is cute? Do they talk about past relationships? Do they answer straight forward to the "do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" question?

Those little things are the things that you no longer have to think about when you are out.

Your friends are able to tease you about your "type", you are allowed to mention who is attractive in a magazine or people passing by,etc.

What seems to happen a lot, and maybe this doesn't apply to you, but a lot of the times people will close off from people in order to avoid giving out "hints". When people are in the closet they will subconsciously make sure that they never get too close to anyone so they can avoid the topic as much as possible.

Being out allows you to get closet to people. It allows you to have deeper conversations without the fear of sexuality coming up or that it eventually will.

Also, not everyone is at the same level out "outness". Some people are only out to their friends, some people only to family, and some others only at work. It just depends on what you are comfortable with and there is no wrong way to do it.

 

I think it's necessary to come out to all those close to you (family and friends) so you can be yourself around them and clear up any assumptions they have made about you like thinking you're straight.

From then on I think it's just a matter of people asking. If you meet someone new, I don't see any reason to point blank tell them you're LGBT the minute you meet them. Unlike in the past you can then just present you as you rather than hiding it.

 

My definition has two parts.

1. Those close to you know.
2. You don't care who else knows.

That last part isn't "I tell everybody", but it isn't "I avoid the topic if at all possible", either. I don't know if my butcher knows, or the mailman, or the guy who lives a few doors down. But I don't deliberately hide it from them either.

A couple examples.

I was at a flea market once, and some guy was hawking jewelry. "Something pretty for your girlfriend?" he asked. I smiled and said "I doubt my boyfriend would approve."

At a sporting event, they were selling a beefcake fireman calendar for charity. (Shirtless, not nude.) I went to the table and bought one from the firemen who had modeled for it. "Do you want it autographed?" he asked. I shrugged and said "Sure." "To your girlfriend?" I smirked and said "If it makes you feel more comfortable, sure." The whole table erupted with laughter, and they all signed it.

Now, there were plenty of people at those events where my sexuality never came up. They sold me my dinner or took my ticket, and thus ended our interaction. But when it comes up, I'm quite up front about it. And I think that's what being out is supposed to be.

Lex

 

There was a time in my early youth, around 12-13, I was already "out", I naively shared with my male friends that "I like that" when talking about stuff I saw in the changing room when we used to go swimming.

It did not go well, and I quickly learned that it was best not to talk about it anymore...that's what coming out of the closet means: opening the door that we closed on ourselves, expanding our horizons and enjoying the freedom to be who we are and with whom we please.

 

That part's still tough for me honestly. My straight friends that I identify with, I feel like it's a burden to bring up my sexuality and my feelings about things.. so I'm still lonely in that aspect. I still try to be there for them with their gf problems, but it's tough. My gay friends are either attracted to me or they are in other states now. The solution is really to just get out there I guess, try to be more outgoing. And when I say outgoing, go to places that other gay people will be in. And that way it's easier to make the assumption that the men around you are also gay.

 

Damn, GW, your posts should be engraved on a gold plaque or something. Beautiful!

 

My status says what I believe. I'm out to my parents and those who want to know. I don't advertise my orientation but I don't hide it either.

 

Really good posts and advice especially as I am not out yet !