Last night, due to an "accident", I had to come out to my mom and 2 good friends. The friends took it great and were very supportive (they suspected it), but my mom didn't take it very well. She wants me to fake being bi and lie to everyone about it. I have been bullied severely in the past, so she is scared for me (while I really don't give a shit what people think of me). I told her who I told, why I had to tell her, and how I know that I'm gay, but since I've never kissed a boy or girl she doesn't believe me..... And now every time we are alone she is constantly asking the same questions... And I'm happy that she cares about me and doesn't want to kick me out or anything, but she is making it like I am stupid and don't know what I'm talking about. I've been wanting to tell her for months, and I thought that she had an "idea" (she read part of a letter about me coming out!!), but she is still in total shock. How long does this usually last? Will it ever go away? She has all these stereotypes in her head of what a lesbian is (none of which I fit), and can't seem to wrap her head around the idea that I am the same girl she has known forever.
congratulations!! How long? It probably depends on how quickly she realizes you are not in any danger.
It will take time, and that amount of time is different for every person, so it's pretty hard to guess. I would talk to your friends. Let them know how things are going with your mom. Maybe go and hang out with them whenever things get too tough. Just know that it's not forever, your mom will probably come around. Even though it's really hard, try to have some patience. You have had a while to accept yourself and she needs some time too.
I know in the end that my mom will accept me and love me for who I am (there are pleanty of things I could judge her for as well), but ATM I am already on "nerves end", and her constant questioning is driving me bonkers!
Just try and remind yourself that you've had probably quite a long time to reevaluate your identity, your mom has to swallow this information more-or-less over the span of a day. When you add on the fact that moms already have preconceived notions of how their children will grow up and that she already suspected you might be a lesbian, that's a lot of image-shattering to do. If she's supportive, that's definitely a good thing. Just keep on being who you're being, reassure her that you know yourself very well after this introspective journey, and eventually she'll come around. It's annoying, but it really isn't a bad reaction (for the most part). You could look into an LGBTQ* group (perhaps PFLAG) in your area that she could attend. It might be beneficial for her to meet with other parents of LGBTQ* children to share their experiences together.
It will be fine. Things will get better. You probably know yourself how long it took you to come to terms with your sexuality, but you get there in the end. And this is the same for your mum. It's all new to her and she needs time to become accustomed to it. It may take a while, but everything will settle down. You just have to be patient. I came out to my parents over a month ago now and while they're both fully supportive I know they have their reservations. They've never had to deal with anything like this before and are still getting used to the idea. All I can say is, just continue being yourself and be patient with your mum and congratulations on finding the courage to come out to her!
Hi sweetheart (*hug*), first, congratulations for coming out to your friends and your mom ! That's a great achievement (*hug*). I'm sorry that your mom is not reacting so well at the moment. My guess is that she has mixed feelings about your coming out right now, partly because she is worried about you and partly because she is in denial (the fact she makes it sound like you don't know what you're talking about is very eloquent about that). The good news it, she'll get over it. Obviously your mom loves you, that's why she is worried about you. You just have to give her time to get used to the fact you're gay. It's important that you stay assertive about the fact you know who you are, but you don't have to "prove" that you're gay either. Keep answering her questions (and when you're tired about it, let her know) and give her the right tools to understand. Here is a link to a Pflag booklet that you may want to print for your mom. I hope it'll help a little. Take care (*hug*)(*hug*) and let us know if things are improving, Cécile
Have you told her that her questioning is not easy for you? Perhaps agree on some time during the day when you will sit down and have a talk. Tell her that you will answer all her questions in the evening, but it's difficult for you to focus on them all day long...
