1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What next???

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Brightsky, Aug 16, 2013.

  1. Brightsky

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orillia, ON.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So it was about a year ago now that I came out to my mom, told her I was gay and have know this for several years. She was fine with it and we talked for a bit and all was good. Since then she has brought it up very rarely just because I get kinda awkward when she does. Anyways, my question is what do I do next? I've tried certain apps that start with G just to try n meet some other gay guys in my area(no hooking up) but I'm always to shy & nervous to ask any of them out for a drink or to a movie because I'm not out to anybody and I don't want my brother or friends to know I'm gay. I mean I want to move on and find a bf and have a relationship, but I'm always scared that my friends/ brother will never look at me the same way, if that makes sense.

    How did you guys become more comfortable in your own skin and build up the courage to live a life outside this dark and lonely closet???

    Any advice or guidance would be appreciated.

    Thanks
     
  2. Elf Wynd

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2013
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CalElfornia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Apps and website are hookup sites. Even the ones that are designed for romance/relationships (I can't even name them) end up being glorified hook-up sites.

    Back when I was your age, we didn't have internet. Sure we had Bars/Clubs and Raves - but the majority of the partners I had were through other sources - meeting them at a private party of mutual friends meeting at work, the local library. etc.

    Just go with your life as it is unless you are a shut-in - then I strongly suggest you get involved in social stuff - like clubs that do stuff together. I was part of a hiking club and met lots of potential could have been mates in there.

    And don't shoot down people who could be decent friends either. Know who leads to introductions to others who may be potential mates.

    I also understand that most places have an LGBT community center... I think those are chiefly like bars in that they are social, but with out the alcohol thus less random hook-ups.
     
  3. Brightsky

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orillia, ON.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks for the advice Elf Wynd, I'll have to look into some social clubs and see whats around. I know that my town doesn't have a lgbt centre(small town) I think the closest one is 30-60 min away so that's not really close.

    Well for now I'll continue to go with the flow, and hopefully things start falling into place.
     
  4. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! Yes, I'd agree that going with the flow for now, and joining social and/or support groups can definitely help with becoming more comfortable. It might be worth to commute and try it out.

    Is there a particular reason as to why you don't want your friends to know that you are gay? I'm wondering, because coming out to your friends, and provided that they would be accepting/supportive, would be a good way to increase your support network.

    Being out makes it easier to enter and be in a relationship as well, as you don't have to spend energy on trying to 'hide' the relationship. Plus, being out or at least have one or two friends know, might also allow you to become more comfortable in your own skin.
     
  5. qwr42

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2013
    Messages:
    333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Trapped in NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Breath easy, be happy.
    If you are in an area where you are at risk, choose friends who are ok with who you are.
    If not, i guess that still applies, but you can be more outgoing :grin:

    Someone said earlier about those apps being more for hookups. They probably are, if you are looking for something serious, try an actual relationship site where people are more looking for relationships than hookups. Though i could be totally wrong, someone might need to correct that :\
     
  6. Brightsky

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orillia, ON.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
     
  7. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! From the sounds of it, you're over-thinking it a bit. :slight_smile: You mentioned something important though, which is you feel that you aren't ready. The good thing is, is that you know that your friends would be supportive.

    Letting go of the fears of how they would react, as to whether your friendships will change, will take some time. Reminding yourself that you have friends who would be accepting and most likely your friendships would not change, might help in building up some courage in coming out to them.

    Trying to attend some social of support groups meetings, could help you in overcoming some of your fears.

    Most of my friends are guys and straight. During the first couple of times, when trying to come out, I had similar concerns. My coming out to them, made our friendships actually stronger and more meaningful because I could be myself around them after I was out.
     
  8. 2112

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
    Messages:
    651
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    I was nervous about it too, but when my friend asked, I couldn't lie to him so I said yes. He just said "okay" and continued the conversation (it was about gay rights, that's why he asked). It will probably be the same with your friends.
     
  9. Brightsky

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orillia, ON.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks guys, it's good to know I'm not the only one with these concerns.
     
  10. Kenny207

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Coquitlam(Canada, British Coloumbia)
    Hey, I understand what you mean. I came out around 4 months ago, and man it feels like a life time ago. Now..I'm completely lost...because I don't know what to do to. It's not like I can start dating since I'm only 17, so I'm just sittin here and just hope things will go it's on way. Stay strong man!
     
  11. kitkattz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2013
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Arizona
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Ha, um, actually.. it's hard. It really is. Took me a few years to even come out to myself, and another few to accept the fact I couldn't change it. Then I started out with my brother, then my friend Becki, then my mom, then my dad, and I'll be finishing up my coming out process when I finish highschool..
    So, basically, to answer your question, you need to take your time, and come out in a way that will give people the space and the time they need to come to understand it and accept it.
    Of your not comfortable yet, you probably should wait for a while longer. But, if its completely killing you, just suck it up and do it- that's what I did with my dad. I had brought up the subject multiple times, but never had the balls to say those three words.
    But, once I did, it felt Sooo good.
    So, really, if you do want to come out now, and you beleive it's the right time, then you should just do it. :slight_smile: good luck my friend.
     
  12. Californiacoast

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2013
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco, CA
    Don't let anyone make you feel bad about being gay! F them! Their loss. I have lots of straight friends that I am out to. We go to San Fran 49ers football games, wine tasting in Napa, film festivals, etc and my sexuality is not the main topic but they know I am gay. Being gay is just part of who I am, not everything. But I will be damned if I will let a family member or friend go unchecked on homophobic shit. I have been through too much, and I give respect and expect it in return. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, then good riddence.