Hey guys, I've been married for 10 years this month, I have two children, who are both under five And I'm attracted to men. Yup. What that means I'm not sure. I told my mom just after the birth of my second child after a few to many drinks that I was 'gay'. I told her that I wanted to leave my wife then. But she said, 'how will that look, walking out on your wife months after she has had a child.' I agreed and went back to my wife. This was three years ago. I don't want to hurt my wife, I love her dearly, she has been a huge part of my life, but I kinda feel that I'm doing us both a disservice, her because I'm preventing her finding someone who truelly loves her and finds her truelly attractive which she deserves, and myself because, I'm torturing myself every day. I was just going to tell her, I don't love her anymore and feel our time together needs to end. I wasn't going to bog her down straight away with the big G word, as that's not fair. Let us separate, live apart start rebuilding her life and mine and then if its needed tell her. I suppose she has to find out eventually right? I don't think I can live like this any more. I know I sound ridiculously selfish, I've never had a gay encounter, I've never touched a man intimately I've dreamt of it though. I'm looking for friends.
Hi and welcome to EC. Food for thought, OK? No hard feelings. Will you offer her that you will take a permanent care of the kids, so she could be free and look for the love of her life? Or by that sentence you mean that she has the right to take care of kids, date and find the man who will love her AND your kids? *sigh* you must have known before conceiving the younger child that you were gay and wanted a divorce... Too personal subject I guess...
Welcome to EC, Gay Ric! I am one of those who got married and had kids, then stayed way too long in a marriage that didn't work. Mostly "for the sake of the kids". That didn't work either. The only clear thing here is that you're going to have to summon a depth of courage you probably have never had to call on before. Nevertheless, it's a critical matter of integrity. It is not selfish to seek to rectify things that need to be changed. As you stated, you are doing her a disservice by staying in a marriage that has no love. Now, to be clear: there are young children involved, and you must do everything in your power to make this as easy for them as possible. It is no longer only about you; kids will bring a whole level of complexity to this issue, which doesn't mean it's terribly difficult, but it will be important to take this into account. You are both still young, and can both start again. Your lack of sexual experience with men is probably only matched by your lack of good sex, or any sex for that matter, with your wife (please correct me if I am wrong, I'm just working with probabilities here). Lean on us here at EC for support and for information, check out the LGBT Later in Life section and enjoy reading everyone's posts: you have come to the right place!
It has been a complicated thought process I don't find men attractive in the traditional sense. Or maybe I do, I'm not sure. It's all very complicated with how I feel, and it always has for me. Sometimes I feel I can be satisfied with my wife and I go long periods of times, feeling fine with my relationship. Then it kinda hits me like a dark cloud. And feel I HAVE TO TELL HER it's over right there and then. I'm being purely selfish. I know that. I'm sure every married man who has had these types of feelings, must of known before the birth of their children or before this that or he other. But for whatever reason, stays in the relationship. I would help and support both my children, and wife, there would be no walking away from my children. I am committed to them both. ---------- Post added 17th Aug 2013 at 02:47 PM ---------- My wife can satisfy me, I just long for physical touch a hug a kiss. I dunno. ---------- Post added 17th Aug 2013 at 02:48 PM ---------- Thank you for the welcome!
When I first stumbled on this site a few weeks ago, I was sure that there was no one else in my situation--older (well, not ANCIENT, though!), married, kids, and finally figuring out I was gay. Or even not married, but finally figuring things out. Well, let me tell you, it didn't take long to find out how NOT alone I was. You have come to the right place--welcome!
