I apologise for how long this is gonna be: Hey, I'm 25 and I know a lot of people don't know till they're older but it's only recently that I've started thinking I'm gay. I was brought up strictly religious and stopped when I was 17, and became an atheist. However since then I've had like four girlfriends, sex with three of them, and have always found girls attractive, and would only ever masturbate to girls; so like always decided that I was heterosexual. However... When I was like 21 I met a guy at work, and just instantly fell for him, like in our first conversation. And then when out drinking, we kissed and actually started going on dates and kissing a lot more... small chance I could have been gay right? Here's the problem, he was a closet case and would get embarrassed and say it was wrong whenever I would tell him he was gay. Other problem was I was still of the opinion that I was completely straight and it was just THIS ONE GUY that I liked, simply because he was SO FUCKING NICE. I still didn't find men attractive, and eventually called it off because I didn't want to eventually hurt him more, and felt he should date 'somebody gay.' So I went back to dating girlfriend and found girlfriend number three, she was really attractive and it was awesome for a few months, but then we broke up. Because we were more FRIENDS than we were a romantic couple. The sex was great but it just wasn't working. And so I then went into massive gaps between relationships (like 2 years) believing that I just don't need a girlfriend and I'm fine being alone. I will occasionally go to gay bars with friends and kiss guys (I must have equally kissed as many guys in clubs as girls) but just took this as the usual fun thing for straight people to do these days. So I last had a girlfriend when I was 23. I am now 25, still believing I was straight till June this year, when the unexpected happened... I've started finding men sexually attractive. This is new, and this is scary, at first I thought I was BI (I'm sorry actually BI folk) But ever since this revelation I've been finding women less and less attractive (despite many years of the alternative) and have realised that I am more satisfied after masturbating over men than I am women (I have yet to have sex with a man, but I have recently been given oral sex and masturbated him in return, this was a drunken 'fuck it' moment, I'm glad I went for it, prob was the guy was a little overweight and not attractive, so kinda pointless really as I didn't enjoy it that much, but that's probably cause he wasn't that nice) Ok so now, I have pretty much stopped masturbating over women and love doing it over guys. I think that maybe because of my upbringing that I had repressed such feeling, or maybe they were so foreign to me that I had no way of tapping into them until recently. Is it normal to just become sexually attracted to the same sex at 25? Like I know there's no such thing as 'normal' and everyone is different. There'd be no problem if I was the first this has happened to, my sexuality is part of who I am but I'll still be me. I only ask so I don't make the mistake of coming out then realise I'm confused (it's highly fucking confusing, since it's so new) Anyway I just want to know if this is a common occurrence and either way if there's a proven way of exploring these feelings. Thanks guys.
I think sexuality is fluid. You have the absolute right to change your mind later on. In a couple of years you could switch back and then switch again. It's fine. If you're going to come out, maybe you could think of saying the you like men and women but right now only men. It could change but right now you're very sure about liking men.
Cheers wasn't sure what section to post this in :/ Yeah I think, what I'll do Is I'll explore it a lot and do a lot of thinking and reason out the emotions until I understand them. Then I'll make a decision. Coming out to my friends will not be a problem, they should all be really cool about it, they'd probably just say: "cool." Parents will freak though... but that can wait for a while.
well when I had the "revelation" I was actually dating my 6th girlfriend and I totally freaked out and thought it was a phase but I was wrong and my friends helped me realise. But my best friend is bi and she phases were she will totally prefer men and ones were she will totally prefer women, so you could be bi. I hope this helped.
If you used to successfully and exclusively masturbate to girls then I don't think you were fooling yourself because it's not something that can be taught. You just did what felt right. I think you are bisexual and now you're in the "guys only" phase. It has happened to a lot of bisexual people here where they would often go from one end of the spectrum to another.
Yeah there is that. I might be BI. Guess I'll just have to work it all out over a long period of time. Some things I forgot to mention, the guy I dated for a few months... probably the closest I've ever been to falling in love. I've never loved a girl. He was the most excited I've ever been with a date. So think I might need to date more guys and see if it's as exciting. Girls tend to be more 'hanging out with a friend that really likes me' kinda thing. But again I did find them sexually attractive at the time. I also had a few erection issues in the past with girls. (Actually caused me not to have sex with a friend because I couldn't get it up both times we tried, she had a very fit body, and was good looking, and I was mentally, physically attracted to her. It just wasn't happening. I might be be BI I'm not discounting that, just worry that through society, media and in schools guys are pretty much brainwashed to find women attractive, and vise versa with girls. Like even the personality thing, guy feel they need an attractive women and overlook personality in girls. Like this is just a crazy idea. Just: YES. I was able to masturbate over girls. But there is the fact that: I find it much more satisfying over guys. Sorry if I'm repeating myself, there's a lot more people that really need you're help more than I do. And thanks for the advice.
Don't think that there are "more people that need your help" - that's simply not true. Everyone is equally worthy of help I think the question that I have is how long have you known that you are "different"? Personally for me, now that I start thinking about it, around 9th grade (14-15?) or so is when I found guys more attractive than girls. Now, notice my age and join date . It's around the time that I joined here that I began to seriously entertain the possibility that I might actually date a guy, and I was a complete closet case. Now I'm not (as much of) a closet case, but I'm still not fully out. So to answer your question, 25 isn't "too old" to realize that you're gay, and there are plenty of guys (and girls) that find their same-sex attractions, or the ability to act on those attractions, after high school/college.
I know it's not too old. And thanks. Well with being brought up so religious. I never had sex with a girl till I was 19 and I was a total noob (didnt even know what a clitoris was) Em guess when I was 21 and I fell for that guy. I haven't been tbe same with girls. In a relationship sense. But I've been rarely think about relationships or sex that it's rarely an issue. Last gf told me she loves me after 3 months and I replied that I didnt feel I would ever fall in love with her. (Harsh I know, but true) Maybe I'm like physically bi but can only fall in love with men.
Ha. Gotta love those labels... well thanks a lot for the help it's cleared a few things up. At the end of the day if I can work out what I'm feeling and be happy and proud of it, and apply the correct lifestyle and romance choices; then any labels will either fall in line or not matter. Sure my friends will help me work it out too. Again, thanks.
