Kind of my intro here but I've already done that in the correct place. Kind of looking for pros and cons to coming out based on your take on my life discription. My story: • I've lived a mostly straight life, dated some great ladies even had a live in for a few years. • I live states away from my closest family. • Although never spoken, I believe my family knows I'm attracted to other men. • Only a few people very close to me know I'm into dudes. • I work in a male dominated, traditionally percieved masculine, straight guy industry. • I am very pleased with my life and a happy person always with a positive outlook. • I'm always looking for ways to improve my life even though I really couldn't expect or want anything more. • I am single. Pros to not coming out (my take): • No stress. • No burnt bridges. • No stress for those who care about me and would accept me but would be concerned about me. • No conflicts at work. • No sudden upset in my current, happy life. Cons to not coming out (again my take): • The unknown, would a light come on and somehow I'd be even more happy than I already am? • Would it be more easy to meet guys I'm attracted to? So feel free to offer any advice and or thoughts...
My reasons for coming out were a fear of being outed to my parents and not being honest with my friends and family about my orientation. Given your situation I might stay in the closet too. The main drawback would be that an out person may not want to date you because it would be confining.
Just like you don't go around telling everyone you're straight all the time, you don't NEED to tell anyone your gay/bi whatever. If you don't have any reason to, you don't need to. It would only make meeting guys easier if you were currently going out hoping to meet a guy but pretended you were straight!
Um. The things you listed on your pro list is normally on a con list. I think if you can happily be in the closet (Sorry, hard to believe) then you should just keep on doing that. You're kind of out already in my mind anyway if you've told the people closest to you. My perception of being "out" is just that. I like to keep it among my inner circle and among people who ask me or I get into one of those awkward conversations about sex. That's when I come out most of the time to people who don't know. I think if you're happy this way, I know I am. Then power to you. Coming out doesn't have to be shouting it from the rooftops. I'm just close to immediate family anyway, so my other family never gave a shit about me before, so why would they care now? I mean, not that they don't care, but they never baby sitted me, took me out fishing, or any of that other shit, so I don't see why they need to know a detail of my life that they didn't ask about.. Anyways. I think there's some fear in there of that unknown. You don't want to give people the chance to reject you. I was there... and then I realized it was the greatest gift to have because I could really figure out who was my friend for the benefit of being my friend and nothing else.. I think you would be happier if you were openly ready to be out, but not exactly shouting it if that's not your style. I'm always ready to tell someone I'm gay, but I rarely initiate it. And if you start to go to gay bars, events, then that does make things easier on the dating scene. When it comes to your work, I think you'd be relieved and pleasantly surprised to know that people will accept you for the most part and you can avoid those awkward moments if they bother you. I feel TOTALLY uncomfortable talking about women. So whenever my straight friend goes on a rant about a girl, I match his about a guy
When I came out I had the same pros and cons that you have The pros outweigh the cons when you come out It's better loving a true life then living a lie by pretending to be straight Hope this helps
Take it from a former Mississippi boy who lived in tha back of the closet, coming out is better. Just being comfortable in your own skin to be who you are as a proud gay man is worth it. Until you do it, you really don't know what you are missing. BTW, coming out doesn't mean you necessarily have to put on pumps, rap yourself in the rainbow flag and sit in the employee breakroom. Just be your cool self but be honest.
Only come out to the people that you feel comfortable with. No one should be forcing you to come out to anyone. If you feel well and content staying closeted, then stay closeted. If you want to gradually come out to your friends and family, then do that. I came out to most of my friends, and my mother is 176% supportive. Just remember that you are the only person that can make you happy. Don't feel the need to come out just to please others. Live out your life for you; do what makes you feel best. If you do that, then there will be no problem! ^_^ ~Adam
I only came out to friends that I knew were open minded and were either LGBT themselves, or were allies. I feel that it's important to come out to those who you trust and those who you know would be supportive. The only reason I came out to a small handful is because I needed someone to confide in since my mother is still not comfortable with things, and my counselor I have only eight, nine months out of the year.
Just from my perspective, being perpetually in the closet more likely brings more stress than being out. If you are truly attracted to other males and want to date them, you don't want to be constantly stressing out over whether or not you can date another male without judgement. But, you know your situation best and how the people you would like to tell to react.
I think you should come out. From what I can tell , you're pros are overly beating your cons....that tells you something.
I agree that there is no need to claim that you are one or the other. There is no harm in being open to whatever you feel like. Of course if thats what you want to state then one should. However, life does not need to be defined all the time.
