I am a closeted man who has befriended a co-worker. I have my suspicions he knows I am gay as our conversations often included topics like marriage equality and the torture of gays in other countries. Neither of us ever broached the subject of our own sexuality. But I recently learned he is gay from a social media site that he introduced to me. Should I let him know that I know? Was his sharing the site his way of telling me? Could he be wanting me to come out to him? I am not looking to enter a sexual relationship with him. But it would feel good to feel we are honest with each other. Does there need to be some kind of acknowledgement of my finding out? If he, or we, were straight, we wouldn't need to say anything. Please do not tell me to come out to him so he can respond. I know that is the right thing to do. But it's not gonna happen.
Personally, if someone hasn't brought it up to me directly, I wouldn't say anything. Certainly, if I learned someone was gay, I would probably feel more comfortable disclosing that fact that I am in a relationship with another man. The dynamics of your situation matter greatly--if it seems as if you two are just friends and coworkers, it is likely he just shared his social networking site with you as a kind and friendly gesture. If you want to know more or talk on a more personal level, there is always the option of grabbing an informal meal or going out for your beverage of choice. This will allow for more casual conversation, at which point you two perhaps reveal more about your personal lives; for example, he might mention that he has dated a guy in the past or something of that nature and discussion can ensue. But as you described it above, it seems to be awkward to say, "hey, I saw you're gay..." There would really need to be more depth and meaningful discussion.
I agree, I think it would come up in natural conversation at lunch or coffee off site. FYI these conversations become much easier once your out. I think you are wise, however to be sensitive. Being outed at work in some states can result in being fired, unfortunately.
