Fumbling my way out...

...and letting no one in.

Some background, I was outed to my mother through social media several months ago. I've been taking a 'show, not tell' strategy in dealing with it. I won't necessarily say it's working. She's not at acceptance. There's been no anger for a while, but plenty of denial and bargaining. I haven't come out to anyone. My only connection with the LGBT community is through a social organization where I find myself incapable of forming any friendship after attending for well over a year. But that's not unusual for me, I generally keep my distance from people (no friendships in high school until two years in, no friends in college, and and even now at work I keep to myself).

Well, a relative of mine (he's gay) must have figured out I'm gay. I was leaving a family party and I was the last one left behind with him and he asks if I had come out yet. I was kind of blind-sided, and gave him a non-answer. It didn't really bother me. He's been inviting me to call him and get together.

So I've been outed twice now. And I'm starting to think I'm not going about this the right way. However, I have no desire to tell people I'm gay. They can know I go to LGBT social events. They can see me a pride event or gay bar. Yet I can't talk about it or bring it up myself. I also feel some resentment towards people who want to talk about it with me; like they're intruding and invading and I assert control by saying nothing. First it was my mom and now my uncle (whose text I have not replied to since yesterday). And I feel guilty for being resentful towards people who care for me and either want me to help them understand me or want to help me. I know no good can come of hiding myself but I'd just prefer people let me be and let me be alone no matter what damage is done.