Hello, my name is Shipper. Nice to meet you. I believe the very first answer is going to be to go to gay pride meetings, or something along those lines. I went to one 5 or 6 times, and there were only like 8 people there. I live in a very red state. Im sure none of those 8 people would have anything in common with me except being LGBT. The only place I could find other lesbians with my interests are at anime conventions. And I have neither the time or money to attend them anymore. :/ In other words, I am very insecure. I try to give big hints to people (unless theyre family or close friends, then they already know) but Im never sure who the right people to tell are. I dont know what I can do to get comfortable with myself. Its really the only self esteem issue I have; I dont feel uncomfortable with how I look, ect, I just feel like I cant move forward unless Im comfortable with being a lesbian. My mother is VERY supportive--she wants me to move to a blue state where there would be a larger LGBT community. However I cant afford to move. Im just so frustrated. Is there anyone who could help, given all of these details? Im so jealous of those who are comfortable with themselves. I want to be one of them. Thanks for any help. I hope I get some responses at least...I dont know how active this board is.
Oh this is always a tough thing to get over! We all go through this phase, where we feel insecure about who we are/our sexual orientation. Well, one obvious answer is just to have patience! We all know that cliche, "Time heals all!" or whatever, and as overused as it is, its true! Most people cannot feel comfortable about who they are right away, so quick question, how long have you known? I grew comfortable with who I was by surrounding myself with people who were totally fine about it. That meant me looking like a pimp since I was with numerous girls at a time (so weird, and even weirder how no guy seemed to realize that I was gay until I came out lol). I'd just talk to them about it a little at first, just to reassure myself that there are people who aren't ignorant. I got comfortable with myself by just talking to people who accepted me, and they always reassure me that I am a fierce bitch who is awesome and happens to be gay :lol: So, are you out to anyone? If not, is there anyone you can come out to? If you are out, why not stick around them for a while, casually talk about anything, sometimes talk about being who you are, talk about girls I dunno haha, and maybe you'll start to get used to the fact that you are who you are! Also, just making friends on here and talking to them can be a great start! Sorry if my advice isn't all that great, I'm not used to giving advice, nor am I good at it, but I can try!!! Don't worry, I'm sure that you can overcome this in no time, then you can start strutting your stuff and getting them girls (*hug*)
Your advice is great :3 Helpful or not, like you said, I start to feel better about myself when I talk about it. I started suspecting that I liked girls when I was 14--so about 10 years ago (my god I feel old). When I was about 16 or 17 I came out to me parents first; pulled my dad aside, and then pulled my mom aside. My dad was like "-blink blink- Oh. Okay then." It was sorta just like going up and telling him my favorite color was green. Which honestly I was pretty okay about, lol. My mom was a little more skeptical. I could tell she /wanted/ to say "Its just a phase", but shes always been supportive of everything my sister and I were interested in. So she would just ask me occasionally, wondering if one day Id say, "No, I guess not," or "Well I like boys too I guess, but I like girls as well." She was just trying to make SURE it wasnt a phase. About 2 years ago, we finally solidified it. And it felt quite natural. She pretty much just acts like Im straight, but instead of saying the word boy she says girl. lol! I came out to a couple friends back in high school, and I just let it get passed around, so that I didnt have to tell other people myself. Thankfully I had no problems with it. So I would say that of all of my friends, maybe 80% know. I put it up publicly on facebook as Interested in: women. After coming out to the handful of most important people, I just sorta let it spread through word of mouth, or by little things I say. I really dont have a problem coming out, unless its a braaand new friend. But I dont intend on hiding it from them forever; just dont want it to be an early topic of discussion, haha. The only person Ive been able to sit down and just *talk* about it is my mom. And shes totally cool with it. She actually has been insisting that I sign up for a dating site XD Id love to start making friends on here, though I feel like I need to start in the LGBT Anonymous, hahaha.
Wooooo (!) I'm just my advice is working Wow, that's really great how your parents took it! It's good to know that you have lot's of support coming from your family! I have to say though, I'm jealous that you were able to come out to them first! When I found out in 6th grade (by getting a hard-on just by looking at a poster of John Cena, I might add LOL :laugh: ), coming out to my family was the last thing on my mind!!! I mean, I had it a little easier since my dad is an ass and I don't talk to him anyway, but still, I had to come out to my mom and 3 sisters, and they were the last ones I can out to so far. So, props to you! :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap I see, you just let everyone else do the 'coming out' for you! I wish my friends did that! Like I said, every guy I known thought I was just good with the ladies, so it was hard to just not go crazy when they kept asking, "Dude, are you going out with *insert name here*" Ugh, you'd think they'd realize that I was gay since I walked with sass, talked a little on the feminine side, acted kinda girly, etc. But good for you! Let them do your dirty work :lol: Once you start talking to more people about it, you'll steadily get more comfortable with the whole thing! Branch out! Talk to more people than your mother (even though that is pretty cool and a great place to start), and you can start here...oh wait, you already started
Shipper, with me it was a process. My identity was wrapped up in hunting, football, rugby, work, the perfect martini. When I came out most thought I was straight, and I had to work on this new identity with the gay community. I started reading books, went to my first pride parade in Denver with some hot Cowboys, went to a gay rodeo, found friends in the "bear" community that liked football instead of fashion etc. All this took time, but basically realized I could be my big ole gay self without changing a thing! I even learned a bit about fashion, lol. The more I hung out with LGBT folks, the more I became comfortable with myself. Drag queens, Lesbians, twinks etc all became part of my friendship base, and their stories of self acceptance and struggle gave me more self confidence. We are family, ya know.
I remember I kept a journalthing when I was in middle school, and I would just kinda write typical things in it, what kind of junk I did that day, ect. The moment I legitimately solidified myself was when I wrote "I think I might like girls...am I a bad person?" And then I started paying more attention to it. But honestly I didnt start getting insecure until 3 years or so ago. So, if I wanted to make friends, and get to know more people, which board would I go to? I wish I could find a specific interest place, but I doubt it.
Making friends is definitely the way to go. I've known since I was 10 that I liked girls, but was never comfortable with it until I moved to a new town and found the most amazing, open minded friends. I came out as bi at the time, and everything was great. Now it's 15 years later, and I find myself having to come to acceptance and come out of the closet all over again. But even today, it's the same thing...surrounding myself with the love and support of others. So far, only my two closest friends, my cousin, and my aunt know...but they're enough for now. I'm slowly making more friends here and through Facebook. I often look for message boards or Facebook pages that relate to my interests, and I've made friends through those. Is there a larger town close to you where you might be able to find a LGBT group to attend? I go to a small college, but the University in town has a Queer Student Union. Our schools are intertwined kind of, so I'm going to try to go to those meetings this semester. It's scary, but somehow I'll make it happen. How long ago did you attend that meeting? If it was some time ago, perhaps there are more people there now. Maybe you should give them a second chance. Just because you think you won't have anything in common with them doesn't mean that's definitely going to be true. I grew up in redneck America, so I understand...but there are good people everywhere, you just have to look harder in some places. Your profile says you're into gaming? That's a great way to make friends. Most of my online friends are from video games. Also, the technology forum here...it's not as active as I'd like it to be sometimes, but you're sure to find someone there you have something in common with.
Its been quite a few years since I went...So, you could be right. Especially since this generation is starting to get more open(?)/accepting(?) of their orientation, so some of my high school friends could even be there. Like I said though, I live in a veeery conservative state, so I would have to do some hardcore searching. My mom wants me to move to Portland or Seattle. It would be easy for me to find something there, but Im about to start college, and cant afford to go anyways. BLAH I feel so frustrated.
Times are changing...more people are coming out everyday, and people are becoming more accepting as time goes on. You could very well find some of your friends in that group now like you said, or maybe just a few new people that you've never met. I really think you should give it another shot. Did you talk to many of the people last time? I feel your pain. I grew up in Tennessee, and, while there are a few more progressive cities, it's pretty conservative too. What about your college? Is there some sort of LGBT group on campus? If there's not, most colleges have counselors, and yours might be able to point you to some resources in the area that you don't know about already. Maybe you can take your mom's advice. Go to school where you are for a year, get good grades, and see if you can get some sort of scholarship to a school in Portland or Seattle. I would suggest Cali as well, but it's stupid expensive to live in most parts of California.
