A Complicated Story

I'm in a complicated situation right now. Please help me. Just bear with me though the long story.
I met this boy in my catholic Pre-K to 8th grade school when I was in the 7th grade. He
was playing football with his friends, and I gawked at him, thinking, "Dang, who is that?" I guess it was more like lust at first sight, and at the time, I didn't think too much of it. I was too busy concentrating on a girl in my class that I knew would go nowhere, because even though I felt romantically attracted to her, sexually I wasn't.
And I started thinking about that boy, who, for privacy's sake, we'll call Justin. The long-lasting crush started in that October of 2010. I remember that, after school, he came to class for a conference with my homeroom teacher. And seeing him, it was like this electricity just coursed through my body. It was something I never felt before with a person. It was the love I was waiting for my whole life, and unlike the girl in my class, THIS love could actually go somewhere.
And throughout the 7th grade year, the crush deepened further. I remember he used to poke us on the way out to the bus, annoying my friend when he was annoying me, made these really adorable kitty-cat sounds, the hairflips, and and seeing him look at me frequently from across the lunch tables. But these memories are all I have to go by, because I truly don't know if he's straight, or if he's gay.
At the end of my 7th grade year, he graduated. I volunteered to hand out flyers for his graduation ceremony just to see him go. There were two types of tears that trickled from my eye that night - happiness and sorrow. I was glad for him that he got to move on with his life, but mine became stuck without him. I planned to say goodbye to each one of them, ending with Justin, but I was rushed out of the room when I had to leave early, so I didn't even get to say goodbye.
And life moved on without me, regardless of whether I was ready or not. It progressed to my 8th grade year, my last in the Justin-memory filled school, but it wasn't the same. I sat in vain desperation and despair, clinging onto the hope that I would someday see Justin again. But I didn't.
I was dragged off to PA at the end of the year. I'm back home now, thank God. PA was much less a liberal state; starting high school is nerve-racking in a place where a bunch of kids would gawk at you, not only for being a Northerner kid, but a GAY Northerner kid. In that place, that abyss where I stayed, I longed to go back to the place where Justin was. If I ever had the courage to go and pursue him, it would not work in that place. I was too cut off from my old friends and him. I was reminded every day that I would possibly never go back, and I never would be with Justin as long as I was there.
But now I'm back, and I can see all my old friends. But something is still missing - him. It has been a long two years. And to this day, as I'm typing this, I still have not seen him personally. It feels as if no one knows what it's like to sit here in despair, hopelessly waiting for Justin to show. And I know why he isn't - because good things don't just come to you. Sometimes you get them easily, and sometimes you just have to take leaps of faith to do so. But the more I wait, the more it feels like my soul is plunging deeper and deeper into my heart's abyss. It's... really no more liberating than it was in PA.

See, I'm too nervous to say hi to him on Facebook. I'm so consumed with the idea that somehow, as I text him, I'm bothering him. And I don't want to do that. But I also don't want him to find someone else, because it feels like everyone he's dated has betrayed him. I just want to love him, to show him that I'm there for him. I want to be with him as a good boyfriend should.

It's like I need to be with him, somehow. I need to be with this guy that I love. I want him to tell me that everything's going to be okay, that it's us against people who hate us for something we have no control over. And that's the other thing - because if he was straight, there would be no hope, because it's not a choice. He can't just decide to like guys. I want to travel with him, to see new places and try new things. That's what life is about, isn't it - to learn, to experience? I need him to take my soul out of that abyss, because I fear that it would otherwise remain there forever.

Someone had once said (Will Shepherd a.k.a. "shep689") that if you say he's straight, and that I'm gay, I'm already putting up a boundary between us. If he's attracted to girls, that shouldn't matter. I know who I like, and I want to pursue him.

I guess the whole point of this thread is to ask you all - how do I do that? I don't know what to text. Are one-word answers ever a good sign? Should I just put my heart out there? No... that can't be a good way to re-introduce yourself, right? "Hey, I freakin' like you! " I run out of things to say to him, and whenever I look back, every nit-picky thing I read is always not good enough. I always feel that I could have said something better.
And I'm not ready to just move on; I didn't do anything yet. In moving on, I would forever wonder if he was the one I was meant to be with. I would think I'm missing out on so many opportunities, and deep down, my feelings for him still wouldn't go away.
If he's into guys, it's like saying "Nah, I'm not going to scratch the lottery ticket today", on a card that is essentially the jackpot for someone else to win.

I want to pour my heart out for him, but that's too overbearing. Heck, this thread is overbearing. What should I do? I'm stuck. I don't know where I should start, or say, or do.... But I need to at least become friends with him before he goes off to college, where it would be even harder to find him.

I need any of you to help me, please. Help me solve the biggest situation in my life.

~Adam

 

Thank you so much for posting a reply. I'm 15, he's also 15 (three months behind me), but he's a gradewise year ahead of me. Other than the frequent glances toward each other at the lunch tables, he'd used to poke me, make those cute kitty-cat sounds, and I think I even remember he once called me "little boy" in a really kinda (flirty?) voice?

I was out at my old school in PA, and since I had moved back to where he was, I came out to my friends at my current school. If anyone asks me in my current school I would tell them the truth, but so far I'm only out to a few friends. I think people just know I am and are too embarrassed to ask.
Justin and I go to different high schools. He goes to one a town over from mine, so that's why I never get to see him.

I don't know any opportunities to text him, because that really overwhelming feeling like I'm bothering him takes over me too much. And I don't quite know where he hangs out, because no matter how much I walk with my friend who lives in his town around the town, I never see him anywhere....

~Adam