So recently I came out to my parents, who took it well, but I think my dad is in a soft denial: He came to talk to me a couple of days ago, and said that I shouldn't decide already, that I may change my mind and so forth. The thing is, I've been struggling with this for years now, and I'm sure, but my dad won't have any of that. He just told me I should focus on my schoolwork (which is true). Should I just wait it out until he realizes that I truly am gay? My other issue is a typical one: My gay crush. I'm planning to come out to him soon, but I'm not sure if I should, as it might ruin our friendship. On the other hand, I think he may like me! We've only known each other for a year now, and only recently became friends. We take all but one of our classes together, and I've noticed he started sitting next to me whenever possible. Even though he gets better marks than me (about 10% more), we are both some of the smartest in the grade. Whenever I help him solve a problem, he would tell me, "your so smart" in a tender voice, making me blush like hell.:icon_redf He's almost as shy as I am, especially around other guys: most of his friends are, like mine, girls (they're even the same girls I'm friends with). But he always smiles when talking to me, and isn't awkward around me at all. I don't know if he's ever dated a girl, but I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure he's not dating anyone now. I just want to see him and see his smile every day now. It's the reason for me waking up in the morning these days. Should I come out to him? I won't tell him I have a crush on him just yet, but we'll see! I'm just so afraid he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. But who knows, he may be gay aswell...what do you guys think? Sorry if this was a bit...gushy. It just came out in a burst.
More info (can't find edit, in a hurry): He doesn't do any sports, and he's also the nicest guy I know. Most guys in our school are the 'hurr hurr boobz' type...he's completely the opposite!
My parents had the same reaction, even though I'm 25. They told me to focus on work and that it might be a phase. Sigh... but ultimately as long as they don't outright reject me I suspect it'll be solid between us in time. Your dad seems like he's trying hard to be accepting but holding out hope that maybe you're not gay, because parents are always attached to the idea of their kids having a typical mainstream heterosexual lifestyle. Nothing you said indicates that he's homophobic; but due to your age, he might think you are still coming into your sexuality and that this might be a phase; you might have to come out to your parents again at some point. It's hurtful not to be taken seriously by your parents, as you want them to trust you; but over time I hope they come around to full acceptance. As for your gay crush, he sounds adorable!! And potentially gay. Do your friends know? Because if you have mutual friends maybe they have some intel for you! The other option is to maybe start hanging out with him outside of school. You have the perfect excuse: you're really smart, he's really smart, you could ask him to study with you for the next test! That way you're obeying your parents by focusing on schoolwork, but also focusing on your extracurricular life. Maybe when you guys get close you can drop the fact that you're gay, if you trust him, and see what happens/what he tells you. Good luck!!
Thanks for the advice! One of our mutual friends do know I'm gay, but when I had asked her, she said she had no idea, and that I should just do what's I feel is right. Hanging out with him after school would be a bit harder though: he lives in the hostel on school grounds, I live on a farm out of town...we're both really shy too, and we would have to become better friends first...but I'll definitely work on it!
He's gay, or at least not into girls much. You both sound so adorable! Go for it, tell hime you are gay, im sure he will take it well! and tell me how it goes! As for parents, ive been told it takes time, so dont sweat it.
I'd say go for it. That or spend a long time wondering (which is no fun, trust me I wondered for a year before I did anything). As for your father, I imagine that he will come to accept your sexuality in time.
Well I'm not so sure about the gay crush thing but the 'dad' thing I can sort of relate to.... I came out to my parents over a year ago via text and went well. They both were totally fine with it. My mom was fine but of course, I knew she would be and knew my dad would be as well. But then he came to me and said, and I quote "Just because you like Lady GaGa you think you are gay" and I just remember thinking "Yeah cause I based my sexuality of my music tastes" Anyways I digress.... My mom sort of helped in that I think she most of had a talk with him because that sort of denial faded away. I guess it seems that he maybe in a bit of denial, like he's trying to convince himself that its maybe just phase. I would give him a bit time and let him come to conclusion that you are who you are and that there's no changing that fact. I guess the age thing is valid in his eyes because he doesn't quite understand... maybe if you explained that you know for certain you are gay just as much as he is certain that he is straight. I dunno... Kinda sorta rambled a bit there Just a my bit of advice
Good news everybody! Told him I am gay, his response: "oh alright, won't bother me." I expected a bit more, to be honest, but I am so glad he took it well. I didn't tell him I had a crush on him, maybe one day.:lol: Thanks for the encouragement guys, you're the best! (&&&)
