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The best gay movie i have ever seen, Will it change my mom?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by qwr42, Aug 20, 2013.

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  1. qwr42

    qwr42
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    I cant tell you guys how much this film means to me. I cried from halfway through to the end. This movie is so so so sad, but so beautiful.

    [youtube]Ys5TyY8RaxI[/youtube]

    It is an hour and a half long, but im so happy.
    If you have ever read my story, you would know this is exactly how my parents are. In a few days im planing on sending it to my mother, or sitting her down and watching it with her. This discribes perfectly how i feel towards them, so if this video doesnt change their mind i dont know what will.

    I will also send the mathew vines video (not going to link it here because i dont want this to go off topic). and maybe the 'Im Christian Unless You Are Gay" article with the response from the mother.

    My plan is to write a well worded email, then leave (i go to friends houses often). I will say that i will not come home until she watches both and then we will talk after. I have no idea what to expect. (my guess, she will just be angry, and sulk at me, or cry and hug me).

    This is a bit grabled but i could use some help. I really feel this is the best way, i might come out to some friends while im at it. So i have no clue how this will work. Thoughts? :help:

    And if you are religious, pray for me? <- i could use all the help i can get.

    I should also mention that i have several friends who will help me out if things go wrong.
     
    #1 qwr42, Aug 20, 2013
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    I think it's a good plan.

    You've got two things to keep in mind:

    1. If she really is as strong willed as Mary Griffith (Bobby's mother), then her religious beliefs are very strong in her life and it's going to take her some time to deal with the collision between her religious beliefs and who you are.

    2. Related to #1, there are 5 stages everyone goes through in processing a loss: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. Mary Griffith stayed basically in denial (somewhat in bargaining) until her son died. But that was also 30 years ago and even the most religiously conservative people aren't insulated from what they see around them. So keep in mind that she will need some time to process and integrate these two colliding issues (her love for you, and her religious beliefs.) Be prepared to give her that time.

    Now... a lot of gay guys fool themselves into believing that nobody else can figure out they're gay. But often times, *everybody* knows and it's no surprise (the Fred Finklehorn thread is a great example; nearly everyone on the planet knew, likely even before he admitted it to himself.) So if you're in that category, it's possible your mom ha already had time to think about and consider this, and that, in turn, will usually make it easier for her to accept.

    In any case, please keep us informed.
     
    #2 Chip, Aug 20, 2013
  3. Adi

    Adi
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    I hope this works, but be ready if it doesn't. Don't get your hopes up too much. I actually tried something similar with this very movie, and got no satisfying results.
     
    #3 Adi, Aug 21, 2013
  4. Data

    Data Guest

    I LOVE that movie. I saw it on TV when I was still beating myself up over being gay and it brought many tears to my eyes.

    I bought the movie a while ago and after I watched it, I let a friend borrow it. She loved it but again, she cried.

    I gave it to my mom to watch (after I had been out for a few months) and she WON'T watch it! She says she hates sad movies and that she doesn't like to cry when watching them. Nearly every attempt I made at getting her to watch it has ended in failure.

    It is so powerful. It really is. I just wanted to reach into the screen and choke the mother sometimes. When she finally said " I killed him! I killed my son!" I was crying and I yelled "Yeah you did! How Christian of you! You bitch!"

    It's based on a real story too, which makes it hit harder then if it was fiction.
     
    #4 Data, Aug 21, 2013
  5. qwr42

    qwr42
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    Thank you all for your support. Ill be writing the email soon and as soonas my mother has nothing to do all day (probably next week) ill try it. I will also post the results when i do.
     
    #5 qwr42, Aug 21, 2013
  6. Kyllani

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    So, I had seen people refer to this movie before, but had never watched it. Holy crap. I honestly don't know how anyone could watch it and not be moved. It makes me want to show it to my own mother as well. Good luck with your email, and I hope it goes well.
     
    #6 Kyllani, Aug 21, 2013
  7. KyleD

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    I watched it! It was so heartbreaking!
     
    #7 KyleD, Aug 21, 2013
  8. Randy

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    I watched it, fuckin' bawled my eyes out.

    Sounds like a very good plan you have. I'll pray for a good result.
     
    #8 Randy, Aug 21, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2013
  9. suppa groovy

    suppa groovy
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    I'm not gonna watch the movie because I'm afraid of being triggered back into suicidal thoughts, but I'm glad you have this as something to show her, and I wish you the best of luck. Please do keep us updated.
     
    #9 suppa groovy, Aug 21, 2013
  10. kresukun

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    I really need someone to talk to about this film. Anyone please, I am out of breath, my hands are constantly retracting and tears wont stop flowing. I feel although I am breaking down.
     
    #10 kresukun, Aug 21, 2013
  11. Data

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    Man, what happened?! Are you alright? I can't PM yet...
     
    #11 Data, Aug 21, 2013
  12. kresukun

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    I just feel like the film has such strong meaning, I feel stuck within my family and just everything in the film I feel for, I feel as though I am going through much of the same. I am only 19, around the same age as Bobby. I don't feel as if there is anyone in real life I can talk to about it.

    I think I am calming down about now, I have a fever, tears are slowly stopping and the numbness in my hands is getting less. Buy wow the first feel to make me feel like this, I just want everyone to watch it.
     
    #12 kresukun, Aug 21, 2013
  13. Data

    Data Guest

    I'm 19 too! We've got that in common. I haven't gone through anything Bobby went through, but watching the movie all I wanted to do was to scream at Bobby not to do it, not to give up. So, DON'T GIVE UP! Life changes, and no matter how terrible someone feels at one moment, it always has the potential to turn up!

    I was suicidal at one point in life, but killing myself just didn't make sense. I persevered and it payed off bug time.

    I wish all of the LGBT people who commit suicide would just stop and think about what they're actually considering. They have chosen a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
    (*hug*) It is a very powerful movie, and when I watched it for the first time I was still very guilty about my gay feelings. I do suggest people watch it, but only if they'll be ok afterward.


    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
    You can always PM an advisor too.
     
    #13 Data, Aug 21, 2013
  14. Randy

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    If you ever need to talk, feel free to post on my Wall.
     
    #14 Randy, Aug 21, 2013
  15. kresukun

    kresukun
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    I obviously wasn't okay afterward, but I really needed a film like this, and EC to help discuss my problems.

    I really just want to get my mum to watch it, I find it hard to talk to her about a lot of stuff anyway so to show something without me telling her would help me out so much.

    Thank you for responding so fast, I really needed that.
     
    #15 kresukun, Aug 21, 2013
  16. qwr42

    qwr42
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    Feel free to discuss this film. I can always update my original post when i decide to send that email.

    @Kreshunk, what you experienced was probably a panic attack, i experienced several a few months ago, just breath easy and stop thinking, usually it is caused by emotional overloads.

    What really struck me was the reaction of the family when bobby took his life. I dont think i will be suicidal anytime soon with that image in my head. But those are very accurate. One of my neighbor friends lost her older brother in a freak accident, she was told to go home and to skip track which was odd but no one told her. I remember watching the whole thing in slow motion, i already got off the bus, i saw her walk up to the porch where her dad was. She literally just collapsed on the ground crying and saying "no no no." as soon as her dad opened his mouth. It was really just shocking, that much grief someone can have.

    anyways, @kres, how about we both do it on the same day? Im wondering if just watching it with my mom would work too, i dont really know.
     
    #16 qwr42, Aug 21, 2013
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