ok, my name is Stephen, I have 19 years, I am a college student, and ... I'm gay ..., Things are not going well. I know that this issue is common but I'd like a word of encouragement or something, I have no friends to vent, and I did not I have the confidence to tell my family, no one knows, especially my parents ... and this has been bothering me deeply, I have no one to talk to, never had a girlfriend and less a boyfriend ..... I have fear, every time I think in the future I see myself alone, without hopes and dreams .... Now I have many questions and doubts ... I read in several places not to worry, that everything will be fine, but I really see no way out ... and not just the fact of being gay, is I seem to be all that I am not, look it be cheerful, strong, serious ... but I've found crying every night lately ... I do not know what will happen with my life, if I will have even a friend to talk to, if some day I'll have a dream to chase, or if this will continue, and I tire of this. I regret that you are read this whole thing, but I needed to vent, although I do not feel quite right, thanks ....
does your university have a psychological center? an lgbt center? maybe you can talk with them? also, do you consider yourself accepted yourself yet?
Well, im actually jealous you never dated. If i couldve realized i was gay before, well, it wouldve gone better.... Its hard to start, i remember coming to terms with my SO and i had this sudden, "crap, now what" feeling. Start with your closest friend. If you dont have friends, make some. (you came out here which is a step forward, i wish you luck). If you ever need help you can message me
I think everyone will go through something similar to this, whilst trying to accept themselves. I know I did. I got to the point where I honestly couldn't see myself every achieving anything in my life and spending it alone. But the moment I accepted myself and took the plunge to come out to just one person, my whole perspective and outlook on life changed. I got more confidence, I found what my ambitions were and I'm working towards it now. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but things will get better. You've come to the right place to vent and hopefully you'll feel comforted to know that there are plenty of other people all going through similar situations right now. I agree, if your college has an LGBT centre or a place where you can talk to someone, i think that would be a good idea for you! Talking helps a lot!
I could have written your post 30 years ago, and on a bad day, I still occasionally feel that way. I would definitely see what your campus has for a counseling center and talk to someone, both about being gay AND the loneliness and fear. For me, I felt alone and isolated, and I worried that being gay would make that even worse, and I would end up completely alone and would be some kind of freak. You really, really don't want to do that to yourself. I ended up getting married because I felt like it would allow me to have a normal life, only to finally realize after 20 years that I wasted a whole lot of time being afraid, and now I'm trying to pull myself out of it. You may need to learn a little about dealing with people in general, and counseling will help with that (I know I'm still learning, after being emotionally "on hold" for decades). Even one or two people you can connect with on some level will help. I would also see if there is any kind of a LGBT center in the area. You're not the first person who has gone through this, and they can certainly help you. The 4 people I am out to at work are not close friends, but they are people I could talk to and trust. It's much easier once you get past over-thinking everything and deal with what's happening NOW, rather than imagining a hopeless future that really doesn't have to happen that way. A little help goes a long way towards making things better.
