Fears of Telling Parents

Not much to say except the obvious.

My father is Roman Catholic, my mother is Episcopalian. Both are quite religious. I did know that both of them were fairly open-minded, but I still worried about what would be said. As it was, very little. Both parents took it extremely well, they welcomed my boyfriend into the family with open arms, and have been nothing but supportive.

Lex

 

I'm not out to my parents, so my fears are, well, the obvious one is that they will reject me, cutting me out of the family that I treasure, leaving me alone and with no support. I don't think this would happen though. I think they would still "love" me, but I'm worried the relationship would change, more importantly, that I would be a disappointment to them. That I would be an embarrassment.

At the moment I'm waiting until two upcoming family events are out the way before I come out, that way my parents don't have to be embarrassed about telling my aunts and uncles and cousins that I'm gay, not that it's any of their business, but my family are quite old fashioned, and while my parents might be able to handle it, I doubt anyone else will. I don't want my parents to have to deal with all that

The fact is I don't know my parents that well, I don't know my dad's stance on the subject, nor my mum's, she's sorta religious, while my dad can be quite scary sometimes

 

I'm scared of disappointing them

I'm scared of embarrassing them

I'm scared of being less than perfect

I'm scared of not being what they wanted

I'm scared of everything changing

I'm scared that they will lose sight of my achievements and see only my sexuality

I am not scared of being disowned, shouted at, insulted, disinherited, or of violence: I do not believe my parents would ever do that. I am only scared of disappointing them, and of embarrassing them.

 

I am scared to death of the thought of coming out to my parents. My mom will cry, because that is just what she does. And she will cry everytime it gets mentionned for, oh, I dunno....EVER! Really, I anticipate she will be the better of the two, but still anticipate she won't react well. My dad on the other hand....oh lordy.... he and his entire family are the most closed minded country boys ever. I truly would not be suprised if he spent a very long time not talking to me at all. And I doubt that a conversation about my sexuality would dver be had again.

I could be wrong, we can always be wrong, but based on past reactions, I am scared to death.

 

I'm kinda worried about worsening my mom's depression. She also has placed most of the burden for grandchildren on me instead of my brother.

Basically I am worried I'd hurt her and crush her hopes of my future, even though it's MY future. Plus I'm scared they'd look at and treat me different.

 

mhmm :eusa_clap

 

I'm scared that my extended family will never speak to me again because they are embarrassed...I'm scared that they'll be embarrassed of me.

 

Well, I think a lot of people would like to be in my situation, but I know my mom would accept me and be cool about it, but I don't want to tell her because I am worried she will think its funny or try to make jokes about it, and it just wont work out well. I dunno, people probably don't get it...but yeah.

 

I know that when I come out my parents will accept me (mostly). But here's my one misgiving:

My dad will say he's fine with it, but i know he won't treat me the same. He'll still love me and care for me, and my parents won't kick me out, but I know I won't be treated the same. I'll get sidelong glances from my dad, and maybe the occasional accidental homophobic comment that he would only think of because i'm around and his thoughts are running with the idea of homosexuality.

My mom will high-five me and say, "Awesome! You can keep the family name!" because she's SO pro-gay that when we were driving with my grandma and my grandma said to me, "Honey, one day you're going to bring home a nice young man and say, 'Mom, this is my husband,", my mom said, right in front of my grandma, "Or a girl. That's alright, too."

And she didn't even know I was lesbian

But mainly it's my dad. that's it.

But I'm thinking of coming out soon, at least to my mom. I think she'll be just fine with it.

 

Thankfully, my parents aren't super-religious, but I'm still afraid of how they'll react and of the initial awkwardness. Last time I heard my dad comment on gay people, he said they weren't what God intended and they spread disease. :/

 

Changes with how my mom will treat me.
Now she says she loves me, but what happens if (or once) I tell her?

I know everything will change, and I just don't know how I'll cope with that.

 

Everything will change. The only thing I don't know about is the "what" and "how" and that's what I'm most scared of: Not knowing what will happen after the 3 small word.

 

I'm afraid that my parents will...

1) Kick me out
2) Pull college funding
3) Disown me
4) Be disappointed with my "lifestyle"
5) Never come around to accepting me
6) Awkwardness in everyday life
7) Take me to a priest
8) Upsetting them
9) Shattering their expectations
10) My sexuality overpowering all other aspects of me

 

I'm afraid that they stop seeing me for what makes me. I'm afraid that they wont see past my sexuality. I love them and would hate to upset them that way, I'm afraid that if I tell them they will see me differently, not in words but just with their eyes.

I want to be remembered for what I did, not what I am

 

I'm scared that they won't accept me. I'm scared that i might be rejected. I'm scared that they will act differently with me. I'm scared that they won't treat me the same.

 

Well I came out to my sister a few weeks ago and she seemed fine with it, but then she outed me to my parents and they both just told me they knew a few days ago. Right now, surprisingly my dad seems fine with it but he seems reluctant to talk about it at all. My mom is conservative as Fred Phelps so she thinks I'm going to hell and I'm going to get AIDS and etc. Also, she is at the moment attempting to set me up with a girl, but if I do then I'll just tell her I'm gay and move on with life. But before I was outed, I was incredibly frightened and I would even have nightmares about my parents' reactions.

 

They think I'm gonna end up like my deadbeat uncle.

Who rejects his gay self. He's a lot like me personality-wise.
The difference is I accept myself.

 

That pretty much sums it up for me. Probably some of the "lack of grandchildren" disappointment but I think my "lack of a girlfriend" for the past 22.5 years may have lowered that expectation anyways.

I think what makes it difficult for everyone is that parents are supposed to love you unconditionally, and in some cases they may stop. If your friends don't accept you, you can get new friends. You can't get new parents. And unlike siblings (which you can't really get new ones), parents have more of an emotional investment in you, and more likely to see you being gay as somehow their fault.

I'm pretty sure my mom would take it relatively well. She works with a few lesbians and gays, and doesn't really make disparaging gay remarks. I think my dad will "accept me" though he does make disparaging gay remarks / jokes from time to time. Both are Catholic but don't see eye to eye with the church on a number of issues. His less than warm attitude is what is currently holding me back.

I'd like to come out to both of them at once because they'd probably need emotional support from each other. I'd like to muster up the courage to do it this summer, if not I'll probably wait until I graduate university next year.

 

I am not out to anyone right now. I am at peace with everything and if this change were to ruin it, I would regret it. I know like many others where the pressure of everything seems to be built on you and though you hate carrying the burden you don't mind because it is the burdens of the people that you love. I feel that the change will bring about shame, guilt, displacement of people, allegations, hatred, fear and that it could destroy everything that I hold so dear to me. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that so that is why I am not out.