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Lesbian & proud, but unsure how to bring it up.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ItalianBlueEyes, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. ItalianBlueEyes

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    California, baby!
    Gender:
    Female
    After spending a confusing couple of years flagrantly denying my sexuality, I've finally come to terms with being a lesbian.
    And all my super close friends are cool with it.

    But I just started at a new high school in a different part of town, and while I'm getting to know a lot of fabulous new people, I have no idea when after meeting them is a good time to mention that i'm completely totally gay. Or how to come out without alienating people who I don't even know yet!

    We also have the beginning of the year dance coming up, and the main topic of conversation in the ladies' locker room is DATES. How do I navigate questions such as "soooo who do you want to go with?" and "Oh my gosh why didn't you say yes to Johnny Straight Neanderthal Football Player?" And how does a young lesbian meet other gay girls? Besides GSA, because clubs don't start until the 2nd quarter, although I do plan on being a card-carrying member.

    :help:!
    --Marissa
     
  2. iHateThinking

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    It's great that you've come to terms with it and your friends are accepting! That's always an awesome thing. :grin:

    In my own experience, if someone were to ask me, I'd just tell them at that point in time. Might as well be honest, if they don't like it, well too bad for them. You don't necessarily have to tell EVERYONE, but if the question comes up and you're comfortable with saying that you're a lesbian or that you like girls then go right ahead!

    One way to more "discreetly" show that you're gay is to have something rainbow on your person - whether it be a bracelet, a button, or an ID lanyard (If you guys have those - I have one that has "Legalize" with the gay/lesbian symbols on it, and was planning on getting a button or designing something in my own time. I was actually looking for a rainbow rubber bracelet in Hot Topic, but sadly could not find any.)

    I mean, if someone asks and if you don't want to tell them, you don't have to. They shouldn't force information out of you anyway. I would figure it would mostly depend on how "out" you will be at this new school. If other people know you are a lesbian you might be able to avoid these questions all together, no one ever asks me why I don't like x, y, z guys in my school for this reason. People, at least those I interact with on a fairly regular basis, already know, or can figure it out based on my behavior/appearance.

    You could always ask friends if they happen to know any other gay girls, they might (That's how I got together with my now-ex girlfriend - I didn't even know she was bisexual lady-leaning until I heard about it and then talked with her). If you're like me and aren't imbued with the magical thing known as "gay-dar" (whether or not is exists, I have no idea. I just assume everyone's straight until I hear otherwise.), then it might be a bit more difficult to discern who might be gay and who isn't.

    There's also the more blunt approach, which I can say I'm not that great at yet. Another member might be able to help you out in that aspect; it'd probably be more along the lines of flirting with girls you find yourself interested in and see what happens - but don't take this part's advice too seriously, I honestly can't say for sure.

    Hopefully it'll help a tiny bit.
     
  3. ErinB

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think it just depends whether you feel safe and willing to be publicly out and proud. School can be pretty brutal, but it depends on your school.

    You can dodge questions like that pretty easilly, without outing yourself if you don't want to. For example if Lucy is like "DO YOU LIKE STEVE (everyone is going to be called Steve or Lucy in this hypothetical situation)" or "How come you turned down Steve" you can just pass it off as "Nah, Steve isn't really my type, dude"

    Equally if you want a casual way to come out that isn't like, rounding up your year group, standing on a table with a megaphone and being like "ATTENTION EVERYONE. I AM A MASSIVE FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL. THAT IS ALL" then you can just wait untill someone asks you one of those questions and be like "Nah, Steve isn't really my type, I'm more of a ladies' lady" or if Lucy is like "Dude who do you like" you can just really casually be like "Well there's this girl that I knew from my previous school, but I'm not sure whether it's going to work out" (PLOT TWIST: THERE MIGHT NOT EVEN BE A GIRL FROM YOUR PREVIOUS SCHOOL) but at least this way, you've come out, you've not made a huge deal about it, and if they're tending towards the homophobic, you'll probably put some of their fears to rest that you've been "PERVING ON ME ALL THIS TIME WHILE WE WERE CHANGING!?" because really you're into that girl from your 'previous school' wink wink.

    As for meeting people, basically I have no idea, you're on your own their. I stick to dating websites to meet friends and stuff :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    xx