I life has always been hard due to who I am a woman but was born a man . I currently live as a man but always wanted to live as a woman but due to my family hate for gays, bi, and transsexuals I tried to fight/hide it so much so that I have two kids & a girlfriend now these feelings are still in me and getting harder to control but I can't give in to them or my family will be destroyed and I don't want them to be unhappy because of me is there anything I can do? I put on panties and bras at times but I never left them house fully dressed before I be scared that me doing this would bring me out more and I don't want to be them end of my family. I never told anyone about this I feel if I have nowhere to look,or no one to talk to I can't see a therapist because I can't afford it at this time I tried to kill myself before but it didn't work almost as if death wouldn't accept me I know life don't and I haven't even transition yet im lose in a world I feel I don't belong in. I ask myself why me alot I wish I could just turn it off or at least suppress it I like woman still I just like man a little they turn me on a little for some reason but I use to believe there's a way out of anything or a solution to every problem but its a lie I have nowhere to look and no hope in sight I'm just sitting waiting for death to accept me and life to forget me.
Hey Venus, welcome to EC. (*hug*) Take a deep breath, because things are going to be okay. You aren't going to be able to wave a magic wand and have all of your problems solved tomorrow, but I can assure you that any problem that you are having can be solved. It starts with taking one step forward each day at a time. So, in order for me to help you, I'm going to need a bit more information. Let me start with the most important question: Although there are no magic wands, let's assume that I give you one. You now have a magic wand that could transform your life (and only YOUR life - not other peoples), how would you use it? What would your life look like? If you can answer that question then we can reach an end goal, and we can make it happen - not through magic, but the old fashion way. 1. When you say you have a (potentially) unsupportive family, do you mean your children and girlfriend, or do you mean your immediate and extended family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.)? 2. Are your children by your current girlfriend, and if not are they both by the same person? 3. Do you have a legal custody arrangement regarding the children? 4. Have you ever seen or spoken to a therapist about being trans*? 5. Are you currently employed? Do you hold a college degree of any sort? 6. Do you have the ability to relocate to a new city or state? The above numbered questions are important because they're going to help determine how you get from where you are today, to where you want to be in the future, as well as what type of obstacles you might be facing.
