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Telling My Husband I'm Trans

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MyDarkCorner, Aug 24, 2013.

  1. MyDarkCorner

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    Well, this is a recent discovery. Please no rude comments. I just need some advice on how to tell my husband of 2 yrs (been together 4 yrs) that I've made this discovery. I know it's not going to end well (99.9% sure divorce is on my horizon), but I still can't get up the nerve to actually have this conversation with him. Any tips?:help:
     
  2. Just Jess

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    You're not going to find any rude comments here. If you go into the "later in life" section you'll see tons of us that got well into marriages and relationships - often with kids - before we came to terms with who we are and mustered up the courage to tell our loved ones.

    No kids for me, but I'm in the long term relationship boat myself. We were engaged and had been together 7 years.

    There really isn't much of a right way to handle this. The only advice I can really give is to be prepared to give your husband time to react. And also to not just assume that you'll divorce. But to be prepared to be the one initiating a divorce if things get bad between you both.

    People do surprise me pleasantly every day though. I find the more trouble I have accepting who I am, the more trouble other people have. When I'm comfortable, it isn't a big deal to anyone else.

    As to how to tell him, the two most popular approaches are a letter given in person, and just telling him everything you know about yourself. You may also need to be prepared to take some steps that he may disagree with, but at the same time, things do go far better with significant others if they don't feel powerless. I still talk about every step in my transition with my girlfriend every step of the way a while before I do anything. We've become a lot better at looking at each other's ideas and ignoring the little struggles that come with being a couple. She and I don't always see eye to eye but we always understand where the other person is coming from. I do listen to and appreciate her advice and point of view. And she is a lot more supportive now than she was at first.

    As long as they know you aren't just going to be inconsiderate of them, and they know you are taking necessary steps even if they don't understand why the are necessary, then you can both at the very least remain good friends. Some of us end up becoming more than that again. Others don't.

    You can do this. If you are a man, you are a man, and you can't do anything to change that. Your husband deserves an honest relationship with someone he accepts as what they are. And you deserve to live unafraid of being yourself.
     
  3. Ohhai

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    Wishing you the best xxz
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! Welcome to Empty Closets! EC is a very supportive community. :slight_smile:

    The only suggestion I can add to cassie29's suggestions and advice would be to say that you could try building a support network first- if you haven't started doing so. Have you had a chance to look into some support and/or resources in your community that could help you not only with transitioning, coming out but also having someone to lean upon during the next little while. Having support around you, and knowing that is someone you can lean upon, could make having the conversation with your husband 'easier.'

    Hope all will turn out well for you. (*hug*)