So I recently came out to my best friend and sisters and a few close friends. Everything has been going great and I have had a lot if support and encouragement from them as they accept me for who I am and they don't let this affect our relationships. However, when I recently came out to my parents they didn't take it well at all. They have been depressed about it for about two weeks now and my dad especially is finding it very difficult. He keeps telling me that I'm closing doors for myself and that it's not normal and that being 17 I don't know who I'm attracted to yet and that I shouldn't be labelling myself. He says that because I haven't been with a guy I don't know. Apparently I'm going to ruin my good reputation and close doors for myself in the future. He seems to think that If he says it enough I will stop thinking I'm gay. I'm finding him very hard to be around and he told me that I can't tell anyone about this . This is my problem as I had planned on coming out to all of my friends before the end of summer. I know myself that people talk and this would eventually lead to my entire school finding out but that really didn't bother me. Now I'm stuck because I feel thatto be myself I should tell my friends and just be as open as possible about it but at the same time my dad thinks it is disgusting and would be horrified if everyone I knew knew that I was gay. What do I do. Bare in mine that next year I am moving away to university so I won't have to live with my parents.
If you are comfortable with the rest of your peers at school knowing, then you should be perfectly fine in coming out. Some parents often try to prevent their children from coming out, because they don't want the rest of the world to know what they view as shameful. You father probably feels justified in his disgust with your sexuality, so he assumes that every other reasonable individual will equally view it as such. Whether you want to wait until next year or begin in the incoming year should be based entirely on how comfortable you are at the moment. At the end of the day, there will be people who won't agree with who you are and there will be those who couldn't care less. As long as you feel that you are at a point where you wouldn't care what some might think of you, then you are perfectly fine in coming out now. Its not as though you father would likely be more open to the idea in the near future, regardless. You have to do whatever will bring your life the most comfort and contentment.
This isn't your parents decision to make for you, in my opinion if you are 100% confident in coming out to everyone then go for it. I also find it incredibly hard to be around my dad after coming out to him, it's incredibly awkward for me and he gave me the same lectures and comments about how I'm making life harder for myself and that I'm not natural. While Id on't like to admit it, being openly gay will make your life harder and certain people may not like you for it, but honestly if that's the way they think about people then you don't want to be around them anyway! It definitely will not close any doors, in terms of jobs you don't have to tell employers that you're gay so it won't make a difference. At the end of the day your parents are trying to help you and tell you what they think is best for you. But if you're confident you can take anything and have supportive friends then it's completely your choice to come out at school.
As a parent of a gay son (he's 8 and out to just myself and his Dad) I can say your Dad's insecurities are his own and should not stop you from being yourself. When my son came out, I wasn't surprised, at all. I was sad and depressed too though. Not because he is gay, but because I now knew that he was going to be suffering a hate that I cannot protect him from. As a parent, I want the world for him. Unfortunately, many in the world are going to hate him simply because of who he loves. This fact crushes me. Personally, speaking as the parent of a slowly coming out youth, do things at your pace, be honest with your Dad as much as you feel comfortable about how strong you feel about this, find and hold onto as many as you can who support you and love you exactly for who you are, because you will need it. Your Dad may come around in time or he may never come around. It will be a tough road no matter which path you take. In the end, the only person you need to be real with is yourself. Good luck.
Your son felt comfortable enough to come out at 8? I think that's great! I obviously don't want to derail this thread, but I'd love to know the story behind this. I think it's fantastic that kids don't have to deny it these days and conform with what their straight peers are doing. As for the OP's post, come out to whoever you want to, whenever you want to. It's your life, not theirs.
You, sir, just described my situation in almost mirror-quality detail. Almost because I have no siblings . Other than that, we were on the same boat. Back in 2012 I came out to my parents. My mother said she would support me, while my dad fell into a depression and began giving me angry rants about closing doors, losing respect, etc etc. They both also told me to lock myself in the closet and swallow the key. Anyway, I did not come out to my class mates at school because they were, and probably still are, close minded gossipy arseholes. The fact that some still have certain animosity towards me didn't help at all. However, I did come out to a few, trusted fellows from other classes. I was gonna come out at the end of the school year, but to be fair, I had other things in my mind. As the others said before me, if you are comfortable with coming out, please do so. It is quite refreshing to open the door and let cool air inside. Plus, closets tend to be infested with moths. Ugh. I hate those things.
Thanks guys I really appreciate all of this advice and I feel really comforted by how quick to respond and kind this forum is I am thinking of just doing it and telling my friends but I know that will mean its gonna spread and eventually everyone will know and I'm fine with its just my dad i just worried about how he will react if he knows that everyone else know is it worth the risk ? I feel like he will never be ok with it so is it a good idea to just get it over with ?
