Lately I've been making a lot of improvements and breakthroughs in my life and I'm really at the point where I would like to come out to my family. It has taken me years to really feel okay with myself as trans* and after a month or so of talking with my therapist about it, I feel like it would be a good idea to do so. Things I'm considering though as possible problems: 1) When I was 12, I dated a girl for the first time. I told my parents back then with the advising and help of my old therapist (god rest her soul I loved her she was amazing) and they didn't really take it very well. Of course, they were supportive but I think they were a little thrown off by it and disappointed. 2) I know my dad fully supports me and who I am, as does my mom.. But I'm worried about how they will take it that not only am I trans* but I'm also gay. I worry that just after breaking their mold of what they thought my life was going to look like and changing it so drastically that they'll think I'm just in a phase. And if not in a phase, that I'm just projecting insecurity or something ridiculous. My dad doesn't expect grandchildren either, I think he'd rather avoid it if possible.. But I don't know how my mom would take it.. Not saying I don't want kids but that being gay is limiting for the normal way of my mom seeing it. I was adopted though so I'd think she'd remember that exists.. I breached the topic with my dad somewhat today, as one of our maids that visits on Mondays is transgender herself. I'm really proud of her for being so strong and showing up all clad and fabulous with her pink streaks in her hair. She's beautiful and strong and I look up to her. All he really had to say was "Well that's good for her." but I couldn't really judge the tone of it. He just sounded like nonchalant. He and his girlfriend are very supportive of the LGBT community, and attend events for the local groups sometimes as well as donate. I just am not sure how they would take it if it was me again for the second time in my life.. His girlfriend wasn't here for the first time, so she's not really informed about it. My mom is supportive of me, but I worry she will freak out as she's known by everyone for being incredibly neurotic and ignorant at times with what she says. It's not because she's mean or anything, she's just kind of.. dumb. (sorry mom :eusa_doh: ) She has the brain of a high school girl still at 58, so it's hard to really tell her things without her going bonkers into OMG shock. Not so much worried about her, but there's no way I could tell her side of the family. They're nuts with their fake world of blah and it would rock their fake to the extreme. (as if being a black sheep hasn't already) Not only all that but on top of it, I'm still dealing with the boyfriend I mentioned in the relationship advice forum section.. I couldn't come out to him if I tried. I let my dad know about him and he said that if I want to break it off, he'd support me and be there with me when I do to avoid any negative confrontation.. I'd enjoy doing so, as I'd love to be free to be me, but I'm also dealing with the stress of leaving him and feeling guilty at the moment, as I'm entirely too empathetic at times. Overall, stressed and want to leave this dang closet so I can be me and be truly happy for once in my life. I'm ready to be me.. I just don't exactly know how to breach it.. Any advice? :icon_sad:
Well from the sounds of things with your Dad your big risk is just the initial shock factor. He certainly seems from what you've said that he would be OK with the whole situation, so that's a good place to start. As for your mum, even if you hadn't said she might go into bonkers shock I would have bet money that she would. That seems to be a typical mum trait. But if she supports you like you say, she'll probably come around. Just be prepared to answer a bunch of questions you might not like! As for how, if I were you I'd start with Dad. Then move on to mum when I was comfortable with how he was taking it. If you're not sure how two people will react to something the last thing you want is to have to deal with both of them at the same time.
So true. Luckily, they're separated so it might make things a bit easier on me to begin with. I was honestly thinking of actually coming out to his girlfriend while sitting on it for a little while. I mean, she is incredibly supportive of me, and letting her know might also help to ease it in for my dad. Not really sure though, but I do know she's very supportive of me. Also another note, I like you ElliaOtaku.. You reply to my posts with good advice. Thank you for that (*hug*)
Only reason I even am thinking of that is because he became more of a supporter of the community because she already was. She actually has a best friend who helps operate a home for LGBT teens who have had to run away from home because of their circumstances so I think she's really more of an advocate than I originally realized. Plus she's not really connected to me in that "I've known you all my life as a girl" kinda way so I figure she might just take it differently. I'll have to see.
Going to try to do it sometime today, hopefully it'll be easy.. Mister Snoopy boyfriend of mine likes to know what I'm doing always so.. ugh.. :sleep: hopefully it'll be not weird.
Thank you! I'll likely update tomorrow with whether or not I had the figurative-at-the-moment balls to do it. xD
Didn't end up doing it yet.. The big bad boyfriend was home all night and I decided it wasn't a good time to do so. Thinking about doing it sometime today though, as I do work at my dad's office so he's here almost all the time. Either that or talking to my therapist about it tonight to see what she thinks.
Congrats! I hope it goes well for you, as I'm way too chicken to even try that so I think it's pretty not lame
awh yay! Best news ever! Congrats for having such a great friend is this your first friend coming out to or is this another one?
Oo yay! One small step for some, one giant leap for others. Congrats on your bravery, I hope you continue to be strong.
