1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I might have come out! I don't know.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MJM09, Aug 27, 2013.

  1. MJM09

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2013
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    First of all, hi everyone. I'm new here. Only joined a few days ago. This site is great, everyone seems very genuine and offers great advice.

    Okay, on with the story. It was lunch time during school today when my friends and I were playing downball as we usually do.

    We're not your average group of friends. Everyone's always joking, kidding, playing around. Not much is ever serious but it's nice to have a laugh which is what they provide.

    However, they all seem to like to use the word 'gay' as an insult. A few weeks ago I actually counted the number of times each day they used it in a derogatory manner. By the end of the week the average was 3 times every day.

    Alright, back to today. One of my friends called another 'gay' for missing the ball (how stupid, right?) and I commented on how it doesn't make any sense and how many times they actually use the word incorrectly. They began to ask why I care so much and said in a questioning tone things like "you're very protective of the gay community..." I didn't say anything in response.

    I've been too scared to tell them that I'm gay. I've only recently come to terms with it myself. Only my Mum, the school counsellor (who I've been seeing for a few weeks, and suggested going online) and a female friend of mine who happens to be bisexual (who was very supportive for obvious reasons). What I think has made it harder is that my school is an all boys, Catholic school. (It's not all bad, there are plenty of cute guys in my year level!)

    Anyway, one of them then asked if I was gay and I couldn't tell them. I sort of stuttered and said something like "Does it matter?" He then asked if I was straight and I said "Probably not." There were only two others, so three friends out of the eight in the group, around to hear. They went quiet. I sat there thinking "Shit, shit, shit! What do I say now?"

    I think they ignored what I had said. I don't know. We were eliminated from the game so we were sitting not far from the rest of the group. They started to talk again, after what felt like a minute, about the game. So I thought maybe they did hear and don't care?

    But then we got onto the topic of the year twelve formal, which is next year for us, and one of them asked who I was going to take. I didn't know what to say to that either! One of my other friends asked if I was taking the girl I mentioned earlier or going to ask the girl I work with (both of which have boyfriends). I was even more confused! I felt like saying “Didn’t you hear what I said earlier?” but I didn't.

    What should I do? I was thinking of trying to clear things up tomorrow, but then they’d know for sure. I was planning on waiting for National Coming Out Day because it would give me some more time to think things over and it seems like a good day to do so.

    Sorry for the really long post. Thanks in advance for any advice. I know it will help and it’s greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Pocky

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2013
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brisbane, Australia
    Hey man, welcome!

    Sounds like your group is a typical Aussie group of guys...taking the piss and whatnot :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    "That's so gay" get said so easily, it loses all real meaning.

    I went to a catholic boys' school too so yeah...I know what it's like. Cute boys galore and the atmosphere seems kinda gay...but not (if that makes sense). Appreciate it while you can :slight_smile:

    But seriously, coming out can go two ways. If you just kinda just declare to everyone that you're gay, unless you're superjock captain of the 1st footy team then you might cop a bit of crap.
    I can't say for sure but I think you should test the waters first with one or two friends that are most trusted or closest. Someone who is cool and pretty progressive with their views. Then that way you have some extra support when you come out more and more.

    But...it's always up to you. I'm sitting here saying this and have barely come out to anyone except family and a few people I worked with in an old job. I'm not an expert but that's probably how I'd do it if I got a second chance at high school.
     
  3. Pat

    Pat
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2012
    Messages:
    580
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Woodstock, GA
    You can definitely clear things up if you want to. This is actually a common response. I think they call it coming out of the closet because we can't scoot out of it. We actually have to open the doors and come right on out.. otherwise, guys in particular will miss the point. In other words, they heard what you just said, then they try to process it = brain overload. Lol. And then they go into denial because "hey, I should know a gay guy when I seem him! And my friend isn't gay" after denial, they just...ignore it. Lol. And this really only happens when we beat around the bush. If you stand firmly and just say, "Look, I'm gay" Most of the time from what I found, it forces people to respond maturely and immediately to what you just said. If you're in a catholic school full of boys, you'll probably lose some of those friends unfortunately, but the ones who do choose to know you, will be there for you on a much deeper level now that you've trusted them with something like that.
     
  4. MJM09

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2013
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    No, I'm more the quite type. Not popular, but respected.

    I think 'testing the water' that would be a better idea. I know a few of them would probably be more understanding than the others. I would just prefer to do so on my own terms. I'm afraid that if I tell one of them, he'll tell the others!

    Thanks for your help.

    ---------- Post added 28th Aug 2013 at 07:15 PM ----------

    Good idea. Sometimes I have to repeat myself over and over before they get something. They probably did just ignore then deny what I said and I understand.

    I know that not everyone isn't going to be accepting. I would prefer to have people who are supportive and caring in my life, so if some of the people I know would prefer not to know me because of who I am, then I would prefer not to know them as well.

    Thanks for your help.