So a lot has happened last week. I posted a thread talking about how I told this guy at my school that I was gay and he was totally cool with it and he came out to me as being bi. I already heard people say that he liked me right infront of mine and his face so I knew he liked me. Anyways, these last couple days i've felt really bad. To get a picture of how bad I felt, (this will sound lame.. ) I like seriously wanted to call home and have someone pick me up and just say I was sick. I can't pay attention in class at all anymore just thinking about how bad I want to know him and actually be real friends with him not just know him sort of and him know that I'm gay. Over the weekend though, I messaged him on facebook asking if he wanted to hang out at the movies or do something but he didn't reply back and that was weird I thought because he has it downloaded to his phone so he would of received the message immediately. Then everytime I go on AIM like today for instance, he talks to me for like 3 minutes then says he has to go and we will talk later since he's playing xbox, which give me the impression that he doesn't care. Yesterday, I felt so bad just thinking about all of this stuff because I want to get to know him and actually be really good friends with him and be able to talk to him about everything and hang out, but I keep thinking that summer is in less than 2 weeks for us and after school stops I won't see him over the summer at all and I definately won't be able to become really good friends with him. I decided to ask one of his friends if he was mad at me or something because it sorta seemed like he was trying to ignore me? idk. But, his friend talked to the kid I like and he said that he wasn't mad or anything and that he was sorry because he had a lot going on with homework and etc..It just doesn't seem like how I expected everything to turn out considering he liked me and he said he was bi. I was thinking I could like hang out with him at lunch and with his friends but then I think, if he actually is annoyed by me somehow then I don't want to pressure him and like follow him everywhere but it's not like I can go up to him and ask this stuff. I need help with this stuff guys. Can you guys please give me some advice on what to do or say or anything at all? Please!! Thanks.
There's a common misconception that people have, especially when they're younger. And it's magnified (I think) by the more modern ways of communication - IM, texting, and what not. It's that somebody either wants to really be your bestest friend, or they totally hate you. No. There are plenty of other options. He might be rather ambivalent about you. He might think you're OK, but just as a friend. He might not be sure how he feels about you yet. You sent him a message on facebook, and he didn't immediately reply. What's that mean? It means...well, it means he didn't immediately reply. There are a hundred possibilities what could be happening there. Maybe his internet connection was down. Maybe he doesn't check facebook more than once a day. Maybe he was really busy. Maybe he read it, thought "Cool, let me think about it" but didn't respond because he was thinking about other things. He said he liked you. Cool. But yeah, it doesn't appear that he's overly smitten with you. That doesn't mean he can't be your friend, or even more than that, eventually. But you guys don't appear to know each other all that well yet. Most relationships take some time to grow. So give it that time. Give him the time and space to get to know you. If your IM sessions only last a couple minutes or so, make those minutes count. Get to know him better. Ask how he's doing, what his plans for the summer are, all that. When he has to leave, say goodbye with a smile (not just a smilie) - "Cool - talk to you later!" Don't wait around online, waiting for him to sign on, and ping him the second he does. Just send him a short e-mail instead - "Hope you had fun boarding today. Talk to you soon!" Then go do something else for the next several hours. Yes, it's gonna take some time. But maybe that time will be worth it. Lex
thanks for your help. it doesn't look like things are gonna go too well because i just found some stuff out and now i feel like total crap.
Don't dwell on it. I mean, if you never knew he was bi, than you'd never have gotten into a situation that was appealing to you.. and now that that feeling is in jepordy, You feel like crap.. I mean, you're still better off than you were a few weeks ago.. right? Lex has some powerful advice, I'd say just talk to him everynow and then but don't come off as clingy cause that's generally scary (I should know.. haha) And don't be pessimistic about the Summer cause as long as you two aren't leaving for the Summer, you can eventually arrange something since you talk online. But of course.. I speak in ignorance in light of this "it doesn't look like things are gonna go too well because i just found some stuff out and now i feel like total crap." thing.. so.. idk.. : ) ?
Umm.. I was talking to his best friend last night and he told me he'd ask him for me. And he was talking to him and he told him that he kinda liked me but wasn't comfortable to go in that kind of relationship. Just me finding out that he didn't even really like me like his friends said and how I expected it sucked. Like I felt so bad today, I didn't want to talk to any of them and I just wanted to leave school for that day. Idk.. I've been like really disappointed
Sounds like you built your expectations far too high. You out to him + him out to you + he likes you OK...hey, something's gonna happen! Except it ain't. At least not now. This sucks, but it happens. Not everyone's gonna be interested in entering a relationship with you. On a positive note, it means you don't have to play the "what does THIS mean" game for months on end. You know, where every time he looks at you or says something to you, you have to analyze it for hidden meanings. You know where you stand with him now. And, in my book, that's better than not knowing. If you want to stay friends, do so. I'd encourage you to do so. There's a chance he'll change his mind, but don't bank on it. Let him know you're cool with his decision, and keep being friendly. Lex
