I was wondering what the general consensus was on coming out at work; necessary or frankly none of their business...? I'm happily out to almost all of my friends and family (apart from those I've not seen in a while!) and in a happy, long-term relationship with my partner. All of my junior colleagues who I am good friends with know this and many have met my partner socially and all is great. But my senior colleagues/bosses don't know and I don't know if I should tell them or not... I feel like I would be happier if they knew because sometimes they make references to "everything changing when I settle down and get married" (i.e when I meet a man and get married) which I find difficult to grin and bear. Also, I feel like they see me as this young twenty-something living "fancy free" (that was actually said to me at my recent appraisal!) with no responsibilites, which isn't the case (I am actually 28 and will soon be moving in with my partner). But I have no idea how to go about it. If I was asked a direct question I feel like I would answer honestly, but as it is just flippant remarks/innuendos that they make, it would be very uncomfortable if I blurted out "Actually I'm a lesbian in a long-term relationship".. or something like that. I've mentioned this issue to some of the junior colleagues and they are all of the view that there is no need for me to say anything as it is none of my bosses' business... but is that right? Part of me thinks they say that because they can't empathise with how uncomfortable I sometimes feel with the perception of me at work being so far from the truth... Anyway, it's no big deal really I'm sure I'll bumble along like this for a while longer and it doesn't affect me too greatly. I just worry about a day in the future where it will come out. For instance, if my partner and I decide to marry/civil partner (I'm based in the UK) in the next couple of years etc. it is going to come as a big shock to everyone here when they have assumed (albeit wrongly) that I have been single for years... And part of me feels bad that they will think that I have deceived them. I generally have a very good relationship with some of them and we are on very friendly terms. But as we only socialise in the office, we do not tend to stray into personal lives that often, and when we do, as I said above, I find that their perception of me is so different from the truth that I don't know how to change it without it becoming very personal.. which I think they would find uncomfortbale... Also, will they think I am ashamed to be a lesbian when it does finally come out? I wouldn't want that as it's not true.. at least I don't think it's true, and it certainly isn't in my "non-work life".. Ach, I don't know. Sorry, this has turned into more of a ramble than I intended - thanks for listening (reading!).
I wouldn't tell my seniors without already being in a conversation where knowing my identity helps them understand me better. Maybe you can subtly correct them mid-conversation the next time the opportunity comes.
I'm out at my work. I was very open about it at work, just laid it on the line, and everyone says they respected me for it.
