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My mom thinks it's just a phase...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bright Eyes, Aug 30, 2013.

  1. Bright Eyes

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    Well, I've been questioning for a while now and have recently come to the conclusion that I am lesbian. When I first started questioning I told my mom that I was confused about my sexuality and that I thought I might be lesbian.
    Since then I have brought it up with her a few times that I was fairly certain I was lesbian. However, she keeps saying things like "I would let you go out with Jason. He's a nice boy." and "Well, let's see how you feel in a couple of years. Things could change."
    I understand that she needs some time, because this is hard on her too. I just feel like she isn't taking me seriously and it's making me very frustrated. You see, she's the only family member I can come out to. I'm not very close to any aunts and uncles. My siblings are all too young and I have a really bad relationship with my dad.
    I was just wondering, has anyone else been in a situation like this with a parent? Do you have any advice on what I should do?
     
  2. KyleD

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    Honestly, your mom's opinion of your sexuality is out of your control. The more you focus on it the more frustrated and agitated you will feel.

    I think you just need to give her time.
     
  3. Kamina

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    I can see where she is coming from because you are pretty young in her eyes but if you stick to your guns I can imagine she will come around. I would perhaps start demonstrating the fact that you are lesbian more, like pointing out cute girls, or talking about LGBT news. I think that could help the process, maybe?

    Also congrats in coming out to your mom!!
     
  4. ItalianBlueEyes

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    Think about it like this, Chica:
    She's had fourteen years to picture you with a guy. She's only had a few months to wrap her mind around the concept of LESBIANISM.

    Coming out is hard. Which is why it really sucks when people don't immediately adjust their view of you and your potential relationships. Next time she mentions a guy, tell her firmly, "I'm not really into guys, remember? I appreciate how accepting you've been of my sexuality, but I wish you would stop treating it like its temporary."

    That should get the message across...
    Good luck hon(*hug*)
     
  5. BryanM

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    Don't worry, she'll come around, and if she doesn't want to, she'll have to if she wants any part in your life. Will she say it's a phase when you have a girlfriend? When you get married? Basically, she'll come around, you just got to wait a little bit. I know the feeling you're going through. Your parents say that you can tell them anything, but when you tell them one of the most important things of your life, they say "Oh, you're not gay/lesbian, it's just a phase." Both of my parents are doing it to me, one is doing it more than the other. In the end, they still love me, and I know they'll come around. Just like I know your mom will come around.

    Best of luck to you. (*hug*)
     
  6. Feijoa

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    For what it is worth, my dad said this to me soon after I told him and gave further "evidence" with the partner I had already been with for months. He was still adamant about this until I ended up dating a man. I had a hard enough time explaining and trying to make him "own" the knowledge I was gay, there was no chance I could explain being bisexual to him.

    So don't focus too much on trying to get them to see it isn't a phase. Show them. Help them with books, PFLAG and chats but don't feel bogged down by their processes. It will come around to a good place in its own time.
     
  7. AmiBee

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    Congrats on coming out to your mom! I think she'll come around. It sounds like she is going through some mourning of what she always expected for you (a boyfriend, etc) and some denial. Just remember that what she is saying now is about her own feelings and not about who you are. Stay strong and proud. If she talks about a guy she thinks you might like, just be straight forward and remind her that you prefer girls. I think it will all work out with time.
     
  8. Holly

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    I think it's a typical 'denial' thing for parents when they're struggling to understand their child's sexuality. My mum went through the same thing, she kept on saying 'you could just like both instead', 'you haven't really experimented yet', 'maybe it will pass in a couple of years'. I think it's a common process, and it's them almost getting to grips with it but still are trying to find a way around it.

    I'd give her some more time. Once she sees you are certain over your sexuality (perhaps if you start dating), her attitudes may change. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Meribor

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    It will be a bit tricky, both with your age and still living under their roof. Above all, be respectful; even better, be loving. I think it's okay to remind her you're a lesbian when she goes out of her way to mention boys to you, but you need to do it in a loving way. If you perceive her comment as an attack and respond in kind, a negative result is almost guaranteed.
     
  10. rjrh20

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    I went through the exact same thing when I came out to my mom a month ago. Basically I just kept telling her that I was gay and she needs to learn to accept it or lave me alone about and eventually she just gave up on trying to make me straight.
     
  11. Nines

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    Just like everyone said, she'll come around eventually. My mom does the same thing and my personal strategy is just casual reminder when it comes up.

    Mom: Who are texting? Is it your boyfriend?
    Me: No, mom. I'm a lesbian and I'm not texting, I'm playing a game.

    I really was playing a game so I didn't see her reaction but she didn't say anything and kept cleaning. I'll tell you guys if my strategy pans out.