Ive known i was gay/bi since i was a freshmen in high school, and have been doing the calculated lies and self-monitored behavior around my friends/family/etc. ever since. Honestly, i play the straight role pretty good. Ive never been single for more than a few weeks, and regularly pretend to enjoy having sex with women. But lately I've grown sick of pretending and sneaking around online trying to find some anonymous guy to hookup with, the paranoia of someone recognizing me or being outed by someone is awful. I want to come out and start acting naturally around people and not the "socially acceptable" version. And i know once i do it ill feel better, and the weight lifted, blah blah blah... but damn it just feels like an impossible task to tell someone a secret i've kept so safely guarded for such a long time. Does anyone have any advice on who to come out to first; or if my story sounds like yours, how did you handle all this? Thanks, i really appreciate any input
Come out to the most accepting person in your family first. If you don't know who that is, come out to your mom first, they tend to be more simpithetic and less harsh.
The first person I came out to was someone who I knew was LGBT. If you don't know anyone who specifically is LGBT, come out to someone who you know will be supportive. If not, a really, really, really close friend. I mean someone who will accept you no matter what. You'll be surprised who will accept you, and of course, who won't.
I recommend starting by telling a few trusted frieda nd accepting yourself for who you are and knowing who you truly are and not worrying about everyone else this is your life no theirs while you're worrying about what they think and how they will react to this they're out living their life not everyone will like that you're gay, but there are many accepting people out there. Who says you have to tell everyone you're gay just tell a few people whom you trust. That's what I recommend ---------- Post added 1st Sep 2013 at 10:54 PM ---------- Friends and * ---------- Post added 1st Sep 2013 at 10:54 PM ---------- Not *
I have been, and in many ways still am, in a similar situation to yours. If you know someone who is extremely supportive (be that LGBTQ themselves or LGBTQ-friendly) then they are a good place to start. If you are unsure of how your parents, or other family members will respond, then take your time there. There is no rush with family - before or after you tell them. Not everyone is going to be sunshine and rainbows when you first tell them as they will have their own processes to go through. However, there will be very positive responses from a lot of people. Some will be non-plusse, or unaffected (which is a good thing too) as it more of a relief for you than them. Is your family conservative, or relatively open-minded?
Hey thanks for all the advice, my family already believes me to be a satanist(direct quote from mother) due to my tattoos/beliefs/friends and whatnot(family is hardcore irish Catholics) so I have no clue how they'll take it. Probably gonna wait on family for awhile, but I have some really good friends I could tell I just feel like once I tell one person, they'll tell their trusted one person, and on And on and ill have my whole friend circle laughing and judging me behind my back lol
If you have a good friend who is LGBTQ, it's usually a good place to start. When you talk to your friends individually, rather than ask them to "keep a secret", you can tell them you have other close friends/people you care about that you haven't had the chance to talk to in person yet, and that you would prefer that they find out from you, not through some roundabout way. BTW based on experience that rule usually doesn't apply to partners/spouses/long-term gf/bf, if you tell "one half of a couple" you've pretty much told both...
I came out to my brother and his girlfriend they were very supportive ^-^ I agree with what everyone else is saying find someone who you are 100% sure he/she will be supportive ^-^
I won't lie, it's very difficult the first time. Took me 3 weeks in fact. it does seem impossible, but you can do it! It becomes easier each time, except in your case it sounds like you'll have to explain your past behavior of acting hetero. They might get angry about this part or refuse to believe you now, so just be prepared. As far as laughing behind your back, i really doubt that will happen these days. The stigma is practically gone. Someone is going to stick up for you.
I'd say the key thing is to not overthink it. Don't feel you need a specific order of people to tell. Just pick somebody to tell and tell them. And if an opportunity opens up to tell somebody else, even if they're not "next in line", tell them anyway. How best to tell them? I think it's best to do it not as a statement of fact, but in context of something else. Trying to find a way to sandwich "By the way, Fred, I'm gay" into your next conversation is difficult and awkward. But if you put it in context of your past dating history, that probably would work easier. Anytime the subject of dating or sex comes up, you can say "Speaking of which, I've decided it's finally time to drop the artifice, and start dating guys openly. I'm sick of trying to live two lives at once." Lex
