don't come out to a guy on craigslist

So, my first and (and previously only) time I responded to a Craigslist ad was by someone who posted a very attractive picture, in which case I just sent them a compliment. However, I did my due diligence (Google's Search by Image is awesome!) and found out the photo is from the web and probably not really the Craigslist poster's personal photo. I tried asking this guy a few questions about how it's like being gay in Utah, and he replied with a terse "no pics = no chat" reply. I called out the Craigslist poser for being dishonest, and he seemed a little desperate by then giving five pics of him (most of progressively less clothing until he was fully naked), which at least were not duplicates from Google Images.

In my own desperation/loneliness, I sent a pic of myself (just my face), and he never responded. In the back of my mind, I know I should never have done this because I am far from someone who wants hookups, and this guy was so into physical appearance that he faked his own ad's photo. This kind of hurt my self-esteem, but I have always told myself that personality and emotional/mental maturity are more important to me.

Anyway, my only other interactions with Craigslist were me posting missed connections ads for guys I suspected were gay but never could tell or ask directly since I myself am not out. It was actually kind of nice (or maybe bittersweet) to see a few people mistake my somewhat vague ads as directed at them; one such person has been very kind in sharing his own experience of feeling a connection with someone he has never spoken to.

However, recently I recognized a photo from a semi-regular Craigslist poster (I'm not sure how regular since I only visit the site once or twice a month) on, of all places, my Facebook friend suggestions for people who go to the same university, even though we have no mutual friends. This was freaking me out a little since I've always used private browser sessions for viewing Craigslist and never checked my Facebook at the same time. However, it is what it is, and I was excited to finally know a real life gay guy in Salt Lake City, and so I contacted him to ask similar questions as previously (no intention of actually hooking up with him). His ads are some of the few that show the face and in normal clothes (unlike guys who show only their "most important organ"), with at least a safe statement about meeting first rather than just sex.

The problem is that while this guy was a little nice and gave some real feedback on being gay, he kept claiming it was "impossible" to find me on Facebook even though I had given him both my first name and the degree I was studying. This is literally the closest I've gotten to fully coming out to someone, giving a lot more personally identifiable info than here on EC. The sad thing is, I don't even think he attempted to try searching. Now, to give some background, I'm Indian ("South Asian") but have an English name, my department is pretty small, and I was able to find pics of myself in multiple pages by just googling my name, department, and university. It would probably be just as easy searching in Facebook itself.

This obstinacy really got on my nerves because I had poured out a lot about my life, and he has the nerve to claim he can't even do a search, instead adamantly saying I should send pics directly (because he "would be the only one to see it"...). Then he started asking me about my height, weight, age (I had already mentioned I was his same age), and I really felt like I was a piece of meat that had to be judged first, which was repulsive since I just wanted a simple conversation.

So, the moral of the story is, even guys who might seem like they're just looking for friendship can also fall into the dating logic of first knowing physical appearances before talking. IMO, a real friend doesn't care much about how you look, how tall are you, or your age. That's why I love this forum and all its members, people who have been so very nice and supportive to me without knowing almost anything about how I look. Thank you all! (*hug*)