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How do I deal with the inevitability of this entire situation?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sully, Sep 3, 2013.

  1. Sully

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    I feel crap at the moment. I know that at some point in the not to distant future I'll have to say something along the lines of 'there's something I want to talk to you about' to my parents. I'm so not ready yet though. I feel weak and vulnerable and I hate that. How do I cope with knowing that's coming? I just have no idea.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    You cope with it by knowing that you can be in charge of when it happens and how it happens.

    There are things that can hurry it up a bit but ultimately coming out is something that should happen on your terms.

    You can choose to make that something you are worried about, or take your time, get comfortable with yourself and then just say it. The more comfortable you are with the idea the more it becomes just another thing! It can be empowering if you let it!
     
  3. Feijoa

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    What Ellie has said. There's no rush. Try not to be pressured by Coming Out stories rather be inspired and gain some confidence from hearing and talking to others. This is something that gets to happen largely on your terms, so take all the time you need.

    Gather your thoughts and emotions and feel happy and confident with those first. This is after all only a part of who you are, find strength from it and in turn when you do come out to your family, they will see that strength too.
     
  4. Holly

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    You don't have to tell them if you don't want to, and certainly not until you're ready. That confidence will come in time, as you get more confident about yourself and your sexuality. As Feijoa said, there is no need to rush yourself, it is a process, and everything can happen on your times.

    This site can be pressuring, but ultimately it's your own journey. I would recommend getting more comfortable with yourself before you consider coming out to your parents/someone else. I don't know if you are still questioning, or if you are happy with a label, but there is a 'journey' per say of getting to know yourself, and accepting yourself as different.

    I'm not going to lie, I've been comfortable with myself for a while, and telling my parents was still nerve-wracking, but ultimately they are your parents, they will most like accept you. But don't feel like you have to tell them before you're ready.

    Concerning you're feeling weak and vulnerable, this may be part of the acceptance process of yourself. A thread on this site, here, I found helped me a lot when I went through it. What you're going through is natural, and it's understandable when you're feeling different to the whole world. Yes, being gay is different, but it certainly doesn't have to be a weakness. Coming out can even be a strength, when you're ready. One of my friends outed me to someone else and I know how horrible that felt because I knew I wasn't ready for more people to know, so I know how you're feeling.

    Good luck to you. Things get better, and don't feel like you have to come out before you're ready. It is your sexuality, and therefore your decision!

    Feel free to post on my wall if you ever need to talk to someone, I'll be happy to help you out!
     
  5. AnaCat

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    Like the others said, take your time. There's no rush. You have to feel really comfortable with it yourself first. It makes it easier to come out during a natural conversation about LGBT issues and current events. I did that with my mom, and it was a lot easier than the conversation I had with my sister and niece where I just brought it up out of the blue. Good luck to you, and know we're here to support you!
     
  6. Sully

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    Thanks all. Some good advice to think over.
     
  7. LILuke

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    I have thoughts like this all of the time, the thought of one day having to start that conversation with my parents terrifies me. Indeed, just reading your post and typing out this reply is making a huge lump appear in my throat, and a ball of dread is growing in the pit of my stomach. Believe me you're not alone dude. It's terrifying to think about, but the good thing is that the only people who get to decide when it happens is us.
     
  8. Sully

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    I suppose it's good to hear I'm not the only one :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    The thing is I'm not sure if being in control is really what I want? I just it could be torn out of me.

    The worst thing is that I just can't see that I'll ever be ready to tell them. I can't see anything changing to make me ready. Maybe that's a sign that it's time?
     
  9. LILuke

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    Oftentimes parents can be the hardest person to tell. Why don't you start with friends first, assuming you have not already done so? Do you have a friend who you trust implicitly, and who you know would be willing to keep your secret? If so they would be a great person to start with, not only to give yourself some experience in opening up to other people, but also to give yourself a little confidence boost. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Sully

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    Thanks, I'm out to a number of friend, but I'm a pretty private person. Although I have a strong group of friends and I'm pretty outgoing I really don't like to look vulnerable in front of friends so it kind of puts me off talking to them about it.
     
  11. KyleD

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    Thanks 4 the link, it was very helpful 4 me. :kiss:
     
  12. The Queen Bee

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    This is just wise...

    Anyways... Indeed, before coming out (while mustering the idea of doing so) you'll feel uneasy for a little while. The feeling also that not everyone will be accepting.
    Little by little you will gain more confidence by looking at other people who did it before you... and even if not, you are the master of your life.

    Chances are you'll feel a bit uneasy after you come out, as well... But, that feeling doesn't last for long and then you'll start feeling highly empowered. That's why some people go around strolling theirselves with shame, no shame...
    Acceptance is really empowering...