I'm a girl, I don't really know how to label myself, but I really want to tell someone. I am going through a time and am part of a community where being openly queer would be a terrible idea. However, I absolutely feel the need to confide in one single person that I can trust. I'm not sure why I feel I have to do this, but I do- I feel very alone in this area and really, really need someone to talk to about it, or at least tell. Also, I think that I have this belief that if someone else accept me, I will learn to accept myself- unfortunately, I'm struggling with coming to terms with my homosexuality. Sometimes I'll go as far as try to pretend it doesn't exist just to feel 'normal', even though it very much does. There are very few people in my life that I would even consider coming out to- unfortunately, a large number of people around me are extremely homophobic. I currently believe that I have to come out to a guy, because I simply could not go through the extra emotional pain of losing a close girlfriend (that I have no feelings for by the way, whatsoever, apart from friendship) because of the awkwardness that would possibly ensue in our relationship after telling her. I have narrowed down the guys I could talk to and it's down to one. He is my only guy friend I would dare confide in about this, even though I have loads. I don't actually know what he thinks of homosexuality and all that but he is an incredibly open-minded, tolerant guy and I have a feeling he has no problem with it whatsoever. I would, naturally, casually find out his opinion first if I were to come out to him. The real question, however, lies elsewhere: The guy is my friend of 5 years, we are pretty close and have a great friendship, one of, if not the best I currently have with any guy. The downside is that there are two problems. The first one is the fact that even though we are really close and compatible friends, we don't really discuss our feelings. We discuss our personal lives and the people in our respective lives, but we don't talk very often about how we actually feel. I have occasionally talked to him about some of my issues and he has always been great about it, but our friendship isn't really one of those deep-discussion based ones. It's more of a having a very similar mindset, discussing views, events, people, joking around type of thing. The second issue is that I have a feeling he has been growing to like me- he has liked me before (several years ago) and even admitted it at the time. I think that this is possibly the other reason, apart from me being gay, why we have both been holding off from discussing feelings and relationships and boyfriends and girlfriends. I might just be imagining it, but I don't know. I guess my question is whether I should come out to this guy even though I suspect he likes me. After all, would it make a difference? He has never, ever made a move and I don't think he ever would, because he knows it would ruin our friendship. I apologize if this turned out too long, and thank you in advance for your replies!
I think you should tell him if it will make you feel better. I get what you mean about having to tell somebody. I told my best friend because I thought I would explode if I didn't and the second person I told was a stranger on the bus - I know its weird. Maybe its a good thing that your discussions aren't deep based as it might make him a bit easier to tell because it probably wouldn't have some life altering affect on him but you would still feel better and have someone to talk to. You said you trust him which im guessing means he wouldn't tell anyone so why not? hope this helps
Thank you! I feel so much better right now because I am exactly the way you were- I also feel like I am about to explode and have even contemplated telling a random stranger at one point. I do worry about him telling others, but knowing him, he would never- I overly worry about secrets getting out all the time, and it has never happened before. So yeah, thanks for your help/encouragement. Now I just have to gather my courage to do it, which is easier said than done..
Don't I know it . I spent an hour trying to bring up a conversation to tell my sister and then just randomly said "Im gay" but just think how much better you will feel once you have told him. Good luck, but im sure you wont need it. Feel free to message my wall or pm me if you wanna talk.
