I have only been in relationships with men so far but want to go out with a woman next time. I'm worried that I could go through all the stress of coming out as bisexual only to end up falling for another man and have everyone think that bisexual thing was 'just a phase'. As a 30 year-old teacher, the thought of this seems very embarrassing! On top of this, I even have a bit of doubt myself - I know that I'm attracted to both genders, but I'm worried I won't be able to have a romantic relationship with a woman. I also have the idea that even gay people are a bit dubious of bisexual people and think that they are actually gay but in denial. In some ways, I'm even dubious of bisexuality myself - logically, I know there's nothing wrong with it, or any other sexual orientation, but somewhere in my mind I have unwanted negative associations with it. It makes me think of teenage experimentation/indecisiveness, straight men's fantasies about women, porn stars, etc. That's just not me, is it?! I could use 'pansexual' but I don't want to keep explaining myself when people don't know what it means. I have considered that I could just wait to see if I end up falling for a man or a woman next time, but I think that without coming out, it will be really hard to meet any gay or bi women as they will be immediately put off by finding out I am apparently straight! Plus even if I do go out with a man again, I will still be bi, so it's still no reason for staying in the closet. I recently spent the weekend with a gay (male) friend at gay pride and a gay bar. I think he suspected something and gave me a few opportunities where I could have led the conversation to coming out, but every time I tried to get the words out I froze up, even after a few drinks, and before I knew it the night was over and I still hadn't come out. :bang: I guess I am hoping that by coming out on this forum here and now and (hopefully) getting a positive response from people who understand, I will be able to get the courage to come out to someone in person. Please help :icon_redf
If anyone thinks it's "just a phase" if you end up with a man, then they don't really understand what the word "bisexual" means...
Girl, coming out ain't easy. Take it slow, if you don't defer comfortable, it's the wrong time. you'll be fine. You know who you love, follow that feeling and you'll be perfectly fine. Screw what other people say about 'a phase', they probably don't- no, I know they don't -understand bisexuality. No straight individual could ever understand what a homosexual feels like or goes through. Take your time coming out, and start with people you know would be perfectly fine with it! ---------- Post added 3rd Sep 2013 at 07:34 PM ---------- Not defer! **'feel'! If you don't Feel comfortable! Damn auto correct..
Thanks both of you, you've made me feel a bit better. I am trying to buck up the courage to ring the LGF helpline first, but even that seems terrifying. I don't know why, it's ridiculous really, as the person on the other end is there for exactly this reason. Lol!
Its not ridiculous these are normal concerns and feelings. I think if people think that you are changing your mind then you should tell them your not changing your mind you are just enlightening them about another part of yourself. I am sure there are some gay people who have negative feelings about bisexual people and that is a shame but that is their loss, I think you will find from responses here they are in the minority. If people can love one or the other then why shouldn't someone have the ability to love both. I am sure when you do pluck up the courage to come out people will surprise you with their understanding and support.
Thanks very much silverhalo, it's a comfort to have people respond supportively I've actually just taken the plunge and come out to two people!! By text message, but I figured this was hard enough and I'd take the easy option. It feels amazing to finally tell someone!!
Congratulations, I think when doing something like coming out which is tough you should do it whichever way you feel most comfortable, and if that is by text then that's fair enough. I came out to quite a few people including my Mum by text when I was first coming out.
I understand your feelings completely! I have that worry that if after breaking up with my partner and telling my kids that I'll end up with a man again when I am no longer even attracted to them. I'm in the same profession too ... And will be keeping myself firmly in the closet as far as work is concerned.
I feel like you... the only difference, i've dated only one guy and i'm 18. i understand though. congratulations for coming out
Thanks for your comments... scaredofitall, don't be hard on yourself, this is a difficult situation. I feel as if being a teacher makes it even harder in some ways because you're expected to be an authority and then you're admitting you aren't sure or weren't sure about something. I really recommend reading Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway - it's a bit cheesy, but it has helped me overcome stuff and act several times in my life. Can't hurt anyway I might come out at work but if I do I'm probably going to make out like, oh yeah, I'm bi, what, you didn't know? Who knows what I will actually do though - still just two people by text. Good luck (*hug*) ---------- Post added 11th Sep 2013 at 09:11 PM ---------- PS. Just noticed you're from the UK... one good thing I think is that equality and diversity is really promoted here, especially in education, so I know people at work would be okay with it... or at least would have to pretend to be by law
