hi all I'm posting this one while i'm in my shift in the hospital (as a med student) so i'll keep it short. I've just came out to MYSELF a few days ago . At first i thought it's too early to come out but something happened today during my shift that just changed my mind . A mid 30s man came to the ER today (i'll skip the medical situation ) , anyway , here i'm checking my patients' vital signs when his boyfriend came ,they didn't notice my present at first but i just smiled and went out , later his family arrived and apparently he's not out to them and has a fiancee , i looked to the patient and i can see how sad he is , but what hurts me the most was his BF standing there acting as if he is just a friend . The point is ,i don't want this to be me years later . So , when is the best time to come out , and to whom , and how should i start the conversation ?
So , when is the best time to come out... There's no real "best" time. It's a good time when the opportunity presents itself. Presumably when you're not in a really crowded room (unless you're doing a mass-coming-out), and when nothing else huge is going on. Coming out during a friend's wedding or funeral is kinda tacky in that regard. If the situation doesn't appear to be forthcoming, you can simply create it. You can ask to get together with somebody, or send them an e-mail, or what have you. ...and to whom... Again, no set rules. My generally advice here is: 1. come out to the people you feel will be most supportive, and with whom you feel the most comfortable first. It gets easier after the first couple, so it's nice to have "easy ones" to do first so you can get used to it. 2. don't feel you have to conform to an imaginary list. If you were planning on telling Fred first, but a situation arises where you can tell Sally easily, take it. 3. don't worry about who "should" be told first. Yes, I've had some people tell me they were a bit hurt that So-and-So found out before they did, but my answer to that is "This isn't about you - it's about the person coming out." ...and how should i start the conversation ? Again, up to you. If you find yourself in a pleasant conversation with someone, just bring it up. "By the way, I wanted to tell you - I've decided to start coming out to people, and you're one of the people I've wanted to tell. I'm still early in this process, but I think we're good enough friends that I can trust you and tell you." Or you can steer another conversation in that direction. If someone's talking about dating, you can say "Speaking of which, I guess that's something I can start thinking about again once I get past my more pressing obstacle - coming out to people." Lex
