Outed...by someone I trusted the most

My ex-fiancé told my mother some things that were said in confidence. She was the kind that just blurts things out without thinking. Then she blames it on her disability. Yet when it's something important to her she can keep it secret. Thankfully we are no longer engaged since I am gay and not bi'.

 

That was our first mistake.

I was outed by the first person I told (who happens to be gay). Is it really that hard to keep it quiet? Especially considering they've been through the same sort of stuff.

 

It's a tough time. I suppose all of us here just need to battle through it. You have to understand that your husband is probably hurting incredibly bad. It's not just your 12 years of marriage, it's his as well. That fact is though, given time, care and love you'll both sort it all out. Time, in my opinion is the worst part of all. Why can't it be fine NOW! We don't work that way. Humans by their very nature are sensitive and reckless creatures that need time.

That sick feeling is horrible and all to familiar. I always find nature to be one of the nicest and most forgiving places. Go for a walk. No plants or animals are going to judge you there. As clichéd as it is, fresh air really does clear the mind.

Chances are that your marriage will be over. I don't think a marriage like that can last long term. There's to much hurt. It will hold you both back. Having been a child that has gone through a parental divorce, just be reasonable. If it comes to it, avoid messy custody battles and stay I touch with both sides of the family.

 

Hey I've been there,just be thankfull your not in jamaica like me

 

Children are not as judgmental as you think. It won't change the fact that you're their mom. It's going to be okay. (*hug*)

 

Hugs xxx

 

I'd say wait for the mud to dry, then brush it off.

I have a friend with whom I've never discussed my sexual orientation tell one person at my current employer that I was gay before I started working there. It's a pretty masculine job, so word traveled fast. I don't look/act/appear in anyway gay, but this information coupled with my none relationship, no kids status led to everyone questioning. I got grilled one day at lunch by my then-foreman. Long story short, that was a year and a half ago and I'm pretty well liked at this job.

As a matter of fact, it was the turning point that made me face who I was and decide it was time to quit lying to myself. So while I was mad at my friend, I kind of have to thank him....but not before carefully explaining that he was way out of line for what he did. I'm still not out, so I haven't had the conversation, but it could happen at any moment at this point.

Like I said, be cool. You don't have to address it with the public because it isn't their business. When the initial surge of interest regarding it dies down, you can address it if you like. Or you don't have to at all.

I get get approached every now and again about it. When they make a joke, I just wink at em. If they ask me, I smack their ass and ask em if they want a date.

We get away with a lot of stuff at my job.

 

I told my aunt in confidence that I was bi. She is very accepting, but told her husband who is an old homophobe. Well, my uncle got drunk while we were out karaokeing last Friday, and started telling people I was gay. People that I used to karaoke with all the time a few years ago. I didn't find out about it until last night. I was so ticked.

 

I came out around 3/4 months ago to my girlfriend we have known each other 23 years, and had our ups and downs whilst coming to terms with my bi side, i found out she'd told a friend she chats to in another country, after the anger and pain of betrayal we sat down to sort our relationship out, in all the months of me accepting my bi side id not taken my girlfriends feelings into account, ive never been the worlds best listener but we sat down and spoke over days, then i relised she was in this with me, all she needed was to know i truelly love her etc, we now have a new love name and we called it mushy pea....lol but i give my girl loads of mushy peas now far more than before, its really made our relationship so strong and we even have a greater sex life than before.

The key was to talk and listen and take into account your partners feelings, she know longer has issues with my sexuality and she feels surrounded with my love for her, I couldn't ask for a better girlfriend or life partner she is wonderful, but what ive also relised now I feel better in myself if people know i am bisexual, before this i hid it for nearly 30 years, my girl says if her friends or my friends can't accept what i am then they are no longer friends of ours, she is so supportive towards me know.

In once sense her breaking my trust was just her cry for help because i wasn't listening or taking her feelings into consideration, now she has everything in me I talk so much more and actually listen to what see says and feels as we both know feelings will always have their ups and downs about this....

 

I understand your concerns. I hope everything turns out ok. Do you fear more people will know?

 

Yes, I was outed by a friend to my whole family. I thought I could trust them, but apparently not. I know how it feels... However, mine turned out okay in the end because most people were okay with it. I was shocked, but pleasantly surprised I guess. Try to find the good in the world, rather than focusing on all the bad (*hug*)

 

Skyriclyn,

I'm a small town boy and I feel your pain. Everyone has to know everyone's business in places like this. The nice thing though is when the next scandalous information comes out, your story will soon be forgotten.

I luckily told family and a few close friends before I was outed on facebook by my ex-wife. It was terrifying to say the least. A few months removed and it actually is one of the better things that happened to me.

My advice is, do what's best for your family and yourself and it will all work out. Emotions on both sides will be crazy for a while. Do what you need to protect your kids and don't be ashamed of who you are. You did the right thing by telling your husband the truth.

Take care and keep us posted.

 

First off, I'm sorry this happened to you. My brother outed me, so I know how crushing it can be to make the big decision to tell someone and then have them break that confidence and take away your control in deciding who gets to know. You are definitely not alone. One thing I will say is that sometimes people who are not having to deal with coming out don't realize quite how personal it is, and how much of a big deal it is to tell someone. They are thinking of their own feelings and the fact that they need to get it out, and they don't realize that they are hurting you by saying something. Or they have good intentions, but it doesn't end up feeling good to you. Of course, you should explain it to him like it sounds you did, but try to also listen and understand why he did it, and maybe things will work out better for you than you think? Keep us posted.

 

the times are changing and you will be surprised who can accept you