basically I'm bisexual but only two people know about it. I was once best friends with this boy about two years ago, he's one of those people who doesn't really care and he's extremely bi polar, we were young back then and I was only 13 I didn't know what I was then but then we really began to drift I left for another school and I would only get to see him for about 5 minutes on some Mondays, this was so hard for me. Now I'm 16 and for the past 2ish years I've had feelings for him, they grown stronger and stronger by the day, it's got to the point where I can't take it no more like I have done things purely because he's there or he's doing it, I always ask him to meet me and he hardly ever does, he's extremely bi polar which means he's only ever nice on occasions, and normally ignores my texts a lot, i send him huge paragraphs about how I feel and all I get is 'oh', he's come up to my school this year but I won't be there because I have gone to college, I used to walk the long way home from school just so I could see him not even speak to him, it's like I have an addiction and its hurting me so much. He gives me the impression that he wouldn't even care if I died right now, I honestly think he is beautiful, but I cannot trust him and I'm scared of what he would say if I told him, when I'm with him it's honestly hard not to kiss him, I have to admit I have master bated over him various times, but the worst thing is he is two school years below me and this makes me feel so weird about myself, everything about him is perfect in my eyes and the last time I saw him, he honestly turned me on so much, he made a joke about masterbation before and i was so turned on,I've want to ask him to stay around my house but I'm scared of what he will say because he makes so many excuses its like he doesn't want to speak/see me, but I really want to but I know I will have the urge to touch him and when he's asleep I know I would try and wank him or something like that, he's everything I want and I'm starting to break and its killing me inside, it's the most horrible feeling of my life, people always tell me to get over him and he's not worth my time but they don't understand, I've tried but I just can't. it's killing me and its horrible I don't know what to do
I am really sad to hear that I hope mabye in a few years when you get out of college you can confront him and tell him face to face and see his reaction
in the Uk college doesn't mean moving away so I still see him a few times, I always see him after he finishes school, but I just honestly don't know what to do
