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Coming out to my (closeted???) father

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by 24skipper, Sep 5, 2013.

  1. 24skipper

    24skipper Guest

    Hello all, I am new to EC. I recently came to terms with the fact that I am gay after a long period of repression and unhappiness. According to the "Stages of Coming Out Guide" on this site, I am in early Stage 2. After some time to let this sink in, and to educate myself, I probably should confide in someone at college, although I don't have any close friends yet. Luckily, I am enrolled in a large university with a goodly number of LGBT people, including in the university choir, two dance clubs, and the musical theatre association, all of which I am an active member of.

    Looking ahead, eventually I will need to come out to my parents. My mother will probably be fine with it (and may suspect it already). I am an only child, and my mother will be disappointed to never have (biological) grandchildren, but that can't be helped. With my father, who lives in NYC (although his family is based in the Midwest), it is a different story. He doesn't like gays, even though he is a lifelong atheist, and the real reason may be that he has some deeply repressed homosexuality himself. He never had any girlfriends before meeting my mother. My mother has hinted that their marriage was rather sexless. Since they separated, my father has never remarried or had a girlfriend. On the other hand, he acts ramrod straight; he might just have a low sex drive.

    My father would be appalled if anyone close to him suggested he was gay. He probably would react very badly if I came out to him. He has a history of depression, which he never got any treatment for. Who knows what he would do?

    I feel well-adjusted, even happy, about this, but I worry a lot about my father. This might be too big an issue for EC, maybe we need a therapist?
     
  2. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC 24skipper!

    You are absolutely right to consider counseling before coming out to your father, I would also recommend that you not bring up with him any doubts you would have of his own orientation, that would be tricky territory indeed, and, in a sense, not your own issue.

    By all means come out to your mom as soon as possible, you will need her support anyway when it comes to your father.

    I'm glad you are accessing the resources on this site, now that you are a member, pick our brains in your posts, there is much to discuss and learn!