Well, a couple months I ago I finally worked up the nerve to come out to my very best friend. She took it well, really well actually, because after about two minutes with a somewhat hesitant tone, she said, "Okay.. Seriously, I think I am too." (Full thread if it might help: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7340) I do realize "I think" and "I am" are two different things. Right afterwards, we talked for at least thirty minutes about it, sharing so many similar thoughts and fears, etc. One of the first things she said right after she said it was, "Do you ever just walk down the hallway and think a girl is cute, but feel so wrong?" I agreed, and she said something about it happening every day. We're in 11th grade. In jr high, we both used to sit around and say things like "I don't like guys, I don't know whats wrong BUT I SWEAR I DON'T LIKE THE GIRLS111!". We even talked about the first moment you caught yourself even looking at the same sex. It was a great conversation and we were able to get a ton of things off our chests. So here's the thing, we basically have a trio of best friends. I'm out to both of them. My friend Kayla (total supporter loves to talk about guys and my friend plays along so unbelievably well that I'm starting to wonder if she's straight. It happens all the time, actually, and they even share a liking for the same guy in our grade. Trust me, it's sooo convincing. I know I used to do this and it sounded so off.. She's seventeen, and generally by that age people have a general feel on their sexuality. We haven't really talked much about any of this since I came out to her. I'm sure a lot of you guys know what it's like to see your friend at school the next day after coming out, heh. The first time we talked, she told me that she was terrified. She planned, and even mentioned to both Kayla and I while hanging, that she doesn't want to get married and wants to adopt when she's older. It's almost like she's being scared straight. Straight or gay, she's my best friend and it doesn't matter at all! Is there anything I can do to help her maybe? This is just confusing, is all. Is fear behind this, or is my friend perhaps straight? Maybe it was an impulse coming out? Sorry guys, this probably sounds really stupid. I'd just like to ask here because I would *never* out somebody.
You need to just give her time. Just because you feel comfortable with how you feel, she might not. As you said - you used to 'act straight' too, so this could be it. She might not be quite as sure as you are at this point. Maybe she has changed her mind again. Or maybe she's just someone that needs to fit in and go with the crowd. However, NOT everyone has figured out their sexuality at the age of 17! *cough* Some people are twice that age when they figure it out! *cough, cough* So try not to sweat it. There's no harm in your talking about it openly and honestly like you did the first time. But don't challenge her or tell her that she's not being 'gay enough'. That won't do anything but likely hurt her feelings.
You said you know the difference between "I am" and "I Think". She "thinks" and you "am". So help her =) She knows you are gay, so she already knows she can talk to you if she needs help. Maybe she does feel confused, but already confessing some of it to you would have helped her get a great deal off her chest. Talk to her about it in a private moment and assure her that you are there if she needs to talk about it. She's carryng on acting straight like before because she doesn't feel ready to tell anyone else yet. By talking to her about it, it will help her see that it is more "normal" than she thinks and it will help her see that she can still live a very normal life. Bottom line, you just have to be there for her. The more confident as a lesbian you appear (happy in your own skin), the easier it will be for her. Just be careful - at this stage of confusion over sexuality, people iusually become very vulnerable and emotionally weak. She may feel envious of your acceptance of yourself, whereas she struggles. You're going to have to use your intuition to know when to jump in as a friend and when to respect her privacy. Don't let her do anything silly, ok? Just be the best friend you can, and, as you said, jsut be wary of actions or conversations in open places that could possibly out her - the walls have ears, remember! Good luck! =) Hope this helps. EDIT: I just realised the date this was posted >.<...
