Mum of 2 teens... I've realised I'm gay

Hi you should not feel ashamed or embarrassed I've only just discovered I'm gay in the last couple of weeks so don't feel bad you will get a lot of support on here so don't worry xx

 

I don't think they would hate you did they hate their dad? When he came out? I don't have any kids but I'm sure they will love and support you no matter what.

 

There's your answer. And they probably know you're pretending. Don't they deserve to know what their mum is really like when she's happy? Don't you think they'd want that for you?

I'm in quite a similar situation - eldest going off to university in 2 weeks, youngest just started HS, we just told them last weekend that we're getting a divorce and I'm just coming to terms with my own identity. It's a lot, and I definitely have my moments (or hours or days) of feeling completely overwhelmed, other times of giddiness, and still others where all I want to do is cry my eyes out.

You are definitely not alone, and you've come to the right place. Read and write here, you'll be amazed at how very much it helps and how much strength and encouragement all the wonderful people will provide.

 

If you're still with you're man it could be a problem, though if you're currently single talk to you're children about you're sexuality. I bet you'd be surprised at how accepting they are. And then start dating women

 

I have not told anyone in my family, although I came out to my hairdresser last week (who came out as bi right back at me - she's got two kids & is sleeping with her exhusband, so that was a surprise), and last night I told my two greatest confidants via email.

Frankly, I afraid to tell my husband, because we had already agreed to getting a divorce before I started to realize exactly why it was that I had never had any sexual desire for him (or any other man for that matter), we are on the path to a much more amicable divorce than our marriage ever was, and I don't want to jeopardize that by making him think that I've been hiding it from him - and he would immediately jump to that conclusion.

So, I'm seeing a therapist, trying to find some courage to stand up for myself and my life, and in the meantime I'm taking the coward's way out and telling myself that I'll deal with it when there's a reason to disclose the information. Like the first time I'm ready to introduce a woman to my family. Pretty sure I'll have plenty of time before I need to worry about it that way.

So, sorry, but don't look to me for inspiration, I'm only good for comardery and understanding. The good part about this place though, is that there's no shortage of other, fantastic people with their own inspirational stories. Read enough and hopefully we'll both find a bit of their courage!

Have you thought about talking to a therapist? Might help you work through the depression. Self harming should never be an option. Find someone to talk to - it'll do you a world of good! How about your ex? Sounds like he would understand. Can you reach out to him?

 

Scaredofitall, I've got some really good shoulders and can totally get where you're coming from (and as sorry a statement as it is, I don't sleep much lately, so chances of me logging on within any couple of hours are good.) Feel free to PM me, or wall post, or whatever. But PLEASE please please please! do NOT harm yourself!

This exploration, adventure, discernment, self-discovery, whatever you want to call becoming one with your own self-awareness... the ultimate goal to the whole thing is to find yourself, your fulfillment, your happiness. None of those things will come as a result of self-destruction. PLEASE! Please, promise me that you will take ULTIMATE care of yourself. Without you, there is nothing. You do realize that right?

If you can't find a therapist where you live, let me tell you, I've taken advantage of the individual support feature on EC, and the folks listed there are absolutely amazing. Please, talk to someone, until you've done it, in the midst of your most hopeless moments, you can't even begin to imagine how much it will help, but do it anyway. Here's the link, reach out to one of these incredible human beings. Please?
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/87348-individual-support.html

 

Hugs cxx

 

Hello mums!!!
I've come back looking for some support since I've been considering throwing out the opportunity to be with the woman I am completely in love with. I separated from my husband in July and I moved out since the apartment was his prior to us meeting. My kids are 16 and 8 and they are upset with me because on the days they are with me they're in an unfamiliar neighborhood and dont have their friends or the swimming pool. My daughter told me she refuses to live here. She's quite difficult anyway. My ex is being chummier than ever and is all of a sudden the perfect dad....

More comiserating, but I would love to talk to more mothers, especially with older kids. My girlfriend was a very good friend before things got romantic so my kids know her as well.

I'd love to support each other while we're all going through this! There has to be a way to be yourself and hold your head high. We'll work it out!

If this is this hard, how will I ever tell them that in one aspect of my life I am happier than I've ever been? I want all of my future with my new love, but I feel so selfish.

---------- Post added 8th Sep 2013 at 01:52 AM ----------

Sorry, that message was pretty scattered. I'll work on my cohesiveness.....

 

I know exactly how you feel scaredofitall. I'm nearly 30 and just realised I am bi, haven't come out yet and feel stupid that I didn't come out younger. When I look back, it seems obvious that I've always been bi, and even knew it on some level but didn't fully admit it, which makes it seem dafter. I've mostly been attracted to men with women less so, but now I am starting to prefer women, which is why now I'm trying to buck up the courage to come out. I've read a lot of stuff online recently though that says sexuality is fluid and can change over time - this doesn't mean you're 'changing your mind', but that your sexuality can change. Maybe that's the case for you, rather than just 'not realising' earlier? A lot of women who are married to men and have children have found themselves in your situation so you aren't alone - try googling it, you will find a ton of stories. I'm currently trying to feel brave enough to ring the LGF helpline - I thought maybe coming out to someone on a helpline might be an easier first time as I keep freezing up face to face. Looks like I'm freezing up about calling as well though. Not sure why this is so hard, but it just is.

 

Hope you're feeling a bit better xx

 

Hey I don't have kids and wasn't in a heterosexual relationship when I first realised and started coming to terms with my sexuality but I did come out in my mid to late 20's so if I can be any help to anyone just let me know. I know it can be frustrating and make you feel stupid that you have only realised now rather than when you are younger but it really isn't your fault and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

 

Hey, when you're ready you should be open with your kids. They'll get over it. My Dad is gay, but even through we all know (he lives with his male partner), he won't say it and so it's ignored by everyone like a dirty secret. I think that's part of the reason I'm terrified of coming out, part of me still feels it's something wrong. I don't know why he can't see that we're all fine with it. I'm just glad he's happy.