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1 step forward, 2 steps back

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GlindaRose, May 24, 2008.

  1. GlindaRose

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    It all started with a DVD.

    It was Ellen season 1. When I got home I put it on the table and went to play the piano. My mum came into the room and saw the DVD and was like 'Who bought Ellen?' I said 'I did' (I didn't even know she knew who the hell Ellen Degeneres was...lol)

    So I thought that was fine until my mum made a really sharp comment at Ellen. She called her a 'raving lesbian'. (Didn't know she knew that either...) This was in the full knowledge that I am one myself and It REALLY STUNG.

    It's as if she's forgotten I ever came out to her. She's only ever mentioned it once; the rest of the time she completely ignores it and doesn't say even one word about it. I feel like she didn't think that she might be hurting my feelings, or that if she made that comment it might make me switch to being heterosexual.

    It's like a backward step from 'It's a phase' (which was her initial reaction). I just wish she'd make some progress rather than continuing this denial which has been dragging on ever since I told her in February.
     
  2. Lexington

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    She's still working on acceptance, probably. And one way people do that is to try to distance the ones they love from the ones they know. ELLEN, see, is a raving lesbian. Unlike YOU. YOU're not like HER.

    Of course, you are, but it'll probably be a while before she understands that. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. Rahata

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    Harsh,
    I agree with Lex, it probably wasn't meant towards you and she said it with out thinking. Give it time and I'm sure she'll come around. They eventually do don't they?
     
  4. Mirko

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    It must be frustrating for you. Keep in mind though (and I'm not taking any side here) that sometimes we say things without giving it a second thought. It does look like that your mom is still trying to come to terms with it. Give her some more time. Maybe she regrets it but just can't communicate it to you. If you want, talk to her about it and tell her how this made you feel.
     
  5. KatoKumi

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    I know what that's like. You know, your mom's a lot like my mom. My mom actually avoids any subject pertaining to gays. When I'm watching the news with her, and the thing about gay marriage came on, she changed the channel. And I know it isn't an accident; because she did it three times now.

    I can't give you much advice, and I can't tell you it will pass. I'm still in the depression phase of coming out. Mixed with anger.

    It's been three years, and acceptance has not crossed her mind yet :/
     
  6. beckyg

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    My husbands' now departed aunt called Ellen "Ellen Degenerate" in front of me and my husband one time so I definitely know how you feel. Funny thing she has a gay kid too! She disowned her and her grandfather raised her! Your mother may have made the comment not really thinking about it. I think you should of just said "Mom, that hurts me."
     
  7. Trumpetplyer23

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    My mom makes comments about my sexuality, but not to this extent. I agree with Lex, though, she is still working on acceptance. She needs time, so give her it. And if the comments get more frequent/severe, I'd sit her down and say "Mom, that hurts when you say..." and tell her why.
     
  8. jazzrawr

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    Damn. Ouch.
    My mom knows and she's ok with it, but we really don't talk about it much.
    but my dad doesnt know, and he makes gay jokes all the time that make me want to hit him.
    Do you think you'd be able to talk to her about it and tell her it hurts when she says that?
     
  9. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I'm sorry that you had to hear this from your mum (*hug*).

    But I think that it is possible that she didn't mean it in a hateful way, or against you. What I mean is, I think that homophobic or otherwise insensitive remarks, such as the one your mum made, are so common in our society, that I think that even educated people, or people who don't necessarily mean offence, can find themselves saying them.

    I think that you do have a right to be upset though, but I would say to your mum that her comment upset you. She may not realise how sensitive LGBT people are to such comments, and she may not have meant - and probably didn't mean - to hurt you as much as she did. But by telling her you can let her know that it upsets you. This might even spark off another general conversation - I don't know. But I'm sorry it upset you, and good luck (*hug*)