i told my mum im gay almost 4 years ago and hes so deep in denile and today she said to my sister for the 4th time in not so long that im not gay and its just cause i havent been aroung that many girls which is a joke but yeah i dunno what to do about this anymore im sick of trying with it.
If she's chosen to pitch camp permanently along the banks of the river De-Nial, there's not much you can do. Next time she say, "He's not gay - he just hasn't been around that many girls", don't argue with her - agree with her. "That's right - I haven't been around that many girls. Of course, that's because I'm gay." Lex
Ooh! That's cool reply you have here! So what's the phrase for bi people? Like this: "That's right, I haven't been around that many girls, because I am swinging both sides" ?
You could ask her whether she slept with other females to confirm she is straight, but after 4 years I don't think questions or comments like that will make any difference. She is stuck in denial permanently it seems, and it gets to a point where it is not worth you wasting time and frustration of trying to get her to see the truth. Do you still live with her? Is her attitude making life difficult for you living with her or can you still live your own life? I'm wondering if it is time to start thinking about moving out, living your own life, and leaving her with her distorted views.
I agree with Paul on this one. Even though you are still living with her now, you should keep trying your best to move out soon and we both know you can survive a lot better without her (and others) in your life. I think it's best for you to save up as much as you can and when you're able to ... leave that place since there's no support there for you. You'll be much happier elsewhere. (*hug*)
At this point you can't do anything but ignore it. It would be nice if your mom accepted it and was supportive. But that's not going to happen, so don't sweat it. Your mom being in denial doesn't make you 'less gay' does it? Yes - best approach now is just laugh it off. Give her the classic, teenage "whatever...".
Can you get your sister on your side to help you get through to your mum? Do you have anyone in the family who can help you or that you could live with for a while while you get on your feet? You might need to sit down with your mum, just you and her, and tell her how much her denial hurts you and what you want from her. You can also tell her that her denial won't actually change anything, it is just making you both unhappy so the sooner she accepts it the sooner you can both move on and the more you will include her in your life... it's her choice.
It's too bad that your mom hasn't accepted it yet and is still in denial after all these years. The next time she tells something to your sister just talk to your mom and tell her (in a nice and calm way) that this is the last time you are going to tell her this that even if you would date girls your feelings would not change and that you wish that she would be supportive of you and put an end to it. Assure her that you have not changed. If it still continues, the best thing to do then would be to ignore it and to move on. Hope this helps.
>>>she also said the thought of me being with a guy makes her sick. "Honestly, Mom, the thought of YOU being with a guy makes ME sick, too." Lex
