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Coming out as FTM to my mom (letter help)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by transqueer, Sep 9, 2013.

  1. transqueer

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    I wrote a letter yesterday. I havent decided if I'm going to give her the letter, or read her the letter, or use it as a map of what to say so I dont lose thought.

    What I need help with is in my letter I give her some backstory of my feelings, then explain what about my body currently makes me feel this way, then I define dysphoria, tell her I'm transgender and tell her I understand if she needs time I'm worried that it is too much information at once and will overwhelm her because I do explain my childhood and try to define being trans and being queer and dysphoria all in one letter. I worry it will be too much to start with. What do you guys think?

    Should I wait to define things until we talk face to face? Should I wait to talk about my childhood and how I knew until we talk face to face? Should I just say I'm trans and explain what it is? Ah. Help! I can post my letter if needed.
     
  2. theskywreck

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    If I were you, I would simply explain your situation, reassure her (so she doesn't think it's her fault) and explain what it means (somewhat briefly). Also, leave a note at the end of your letter that you are willing to talk with her about it all, because if you don't she might not come and talk with you and it will be awkward later.

    What I suggest you DON'T do is tell her to start using male pronouns and other stuff right away. Give her some time first.

    Good luck! :grin:
     
  3. AlexTheBlogger

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    I'm also a FtM boy and pansexual. I came out to my dad crying with a panic attack, but my initial plan was to give him a letter.
    I think that the letter is a good idea, since she can read it whenever she wants to, so she can understand better your situation, have time to think and the capacity of finding her questions and asking you.

    Good luck!
     
  4. transqueer

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    Thanks to both of you! I finished the "final draft" of letters to my mom and dad, and I decided to give them the letters on Tuesday. I'm really nervous, but confident on how my letters came out. I decided to just stick with giving them the basics and I did mention I'd be changing my pronouns and name, but I said that I would give them time to adjust and be patient with them as we all figure this out together.
     
  5. Nick07

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    I think that you should know if and what they know about trans* issues first and then throw them into the deep end. Not the other way around.

    Of course, it also depends on your situation - do you live with them? Do you need their support?