I am 1000% closeted. No one knows about me being gay, but I am tired of being hidden. Any advice is needed and apriciated. Thanks I am a 16 yr old who lives in Colorado. I go to a good high school, with a variety of kids, sexualities, and faiths. As a kid I was really overweight, and I was bullied quite a lot. I had never had a girlfriend until the 8th grade. I never truly liked her though. I was always told that I was ugly and gay. I got used to the bullying and now it is nothing to me. My life was turned upside down the first time I had seen a bear at my local pool. I instantly feel in love, without realizing it. This happened 5 years ago, but at the age of 11 I didn't think anything of it. Now after 5 years of being really confused, I actually thought I could be gay. This past summer, I was really starting to wonder if I was gay. I thought every day "it's just a phase, you'll get over it." I still haven't. Now I am pretty confident with myself in being gay but I have absolutely no idea on how to come out. I have done a lot of research in the past few months, but nothing has really helped. I don't know if I can come out at all, I am too scared. I have a very wonderful family, a mom, dad, and two older sisters. I am confident that my mom and 1 of my sisters would be supportive of me, but i have 2 other family members. I have not a clue on what my dad's thoughts are on homosexuals. He has never spoken of it, at all. I am really worried he will be angry or disappointed that his only son, is gay......... But no matter how I think my mom and sister will be, I am just too scared to come out at all. (Thank you for actually reading this far, it means a lot knowing people will actually listen for change) My friends are a whole separate story. I have 1 close guy friend, who is my best friend and 2 close girl friends. I am too scared to come out to my best friend because I am worried he will be grossed out or will not want to be friends with me anymore. Both of my close girl friends are christian republicans. One of them is completely homophobic. She is disgusted by anyone who isn't 100% straight. I want to be truthful with her, but I am pretty positive that I would lose her as a friend, which I don't want to do. Thanks for reading. -deadmau5ftw :bang:
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! Deep breaths! Things have a way of working out. Recognize that you have already taken a major step: you have come out to yourself! And that is already something to be proud of. Given the circumstances your are finding yourself in, in particular with not knowing how your friends would react, maybe try finding and joining a LGBT youth support group in your area or look into if there is something at school (if you haven't yet). That support could become invaluable as you ready yourself to come out to your friends and family. The more comfortable you become with the idea of coming out, the 'easier' it will be on you. Plus, being part of a support group, could also become an important part of your support network. If you feel that your mom and one of your sisters would be supportive, it might be a good idea to explore coming out to them first. If you think about the idea of coming out to your sister for example, how do you feel about it? What are your instincts telling you? I wouldn't worry about coming out to your dad or other family members at this point, but rather concentrate on those who you know would support you. Build up your support first. Throughout your coming out journey, your instincts will become your best guide. You will know if something feels right for you, and whether it is the right time. One thing you can try doing is to stand in front of a mirror and while looking at yourself, say out loud, "I want to come out to my mom (or sister)," and try to gauge how you feel. If you feel something is off, or get a squeeze feeling, take a step back, and try again at a later date. It is okay to take your time.
Hey Ok, so how I did it was I went to close friends first. I tested the waters to see if they were homophobic, then told them. After coming to terms with it and telling a few people, I went for a walk with my dad privately and came out to him. He was accepting, and everything's going well so far. Good luck, and hope this helps!
Hey dude, sounds like a sticky situation you got here for now. I'm glad you decided to seek advice somewhere because that's a great start . My advice. Your mom would be supportive? Tell her first. If she's any kind of decent mom (they usually are!!) Then she'll be there for you. She'll be there to listen to what's wrong, to share her own life experiences if they are applicable to the situation... and most importantly she knows your Dad!!!! She'll have a real good idea of whether or not he's homophobic, whether it's a good idea to tell him. If that's too stressful tell your older sister. Siblings can be the best supporters in the world, I know that my younger brother is. I was really really afraid to tell him but he has turned out to be a really important ally to me--he stopped hanging out with his friends just so that he could spend time with me during a really rough part of my life this summer (I didn't ask him to). 1. ".... only son is gay" While I am not the only son, I think the perceived family disappointment was a huge roadblock for me in admitting my sexuality even to myself. When I told them, they were proud of me. Parents generally like to see children be themselves, be brave, and be happy. They shouldn't care if you're gay, straight, bi, or anything else--because you are their son, and they only want the best for you. 2. "too scared to come out" Please please please come out to at least 1 supportive person IRL it will help I promise. When I figured out I was #fabulous, I told an older friend of mine from one of my classes, who knew no one else in my life. She is awesome and helped me loads with coming out fully. It's absolutely terrifying, but you will feel better for it if you know they will be supportive. "disgusted by anyone" She doesn't effing deserve your friendship, period, end of statement. Sounds harsh but there were a couple people I just told and then was like get on the acceptance train or I'm leaving you in the dust. Ultimately new friends can be made, and are made, as we move through life. You're going to be gay no matter what, though, so you have to value your gayness over her friendship. Cause your gayness is #fabulous, it makes you unique and SUPER AWESOME okay. Don't let some nasty republican take that away from you. Also, if you ever get the chance to visit Chicago, be sure to visit Boys Town. I'm not really involved in that neighborhood in any way, but when I'm having a bad day, I stop by and it always cheers me up, I feel a lot more accepted. It's also a really fun part of town
Wow, thank you all for responding so quickly! All of you are full of a lot of wisdom! Mirko, thanks for helping me figure out who I will come out to first. Eventually, when I am ready (no idea when that will be) I am going to come out to my mom first! Sardonic, I think you have a really good point, I am just going to slowly distance our friendship so I don't just leave her in the dust.I see where you are coming from on telling my dad. You guys really made my day, thanks for being AWESOME!! -deadmau5ftw
(&&&)I'm so glad that we could help!!! Best of luck and keep us updated on how it goes okay??? Cause believe it or not, people here care (usually!) and so yeah! I'm very happy to hear you already have a plan to distance yourself from her. Hopefully one day she will see the error in her beliefs, but don't put any money on it. Best of luck coming out to your mother (or sister) and please tell us how it goes ^^ Have a good one, Sardonic
I will for sure keep you updated! Hopefully it will be soon, but for now I need to decide when the best time is! Thanks again! -deadmau5ftw
Well, a lot of people don't know this but.. at the time that you've acknowledged yourself as being gay, doesn't necessarily mean you're at the point of coming out. If you feel like you're about to explode if you don't tell someone soon, then I'd say you should come out. If you're not quite there, then you may want to build on a little more courage. There's no rush here. You're in a good place in your closet. No one is pressuring you. Things are....decent. There's some time for you to reflect on what you know about yourself and weigh your options. The last thing you want to do is come out in a way that suggests to those listening that you're unsure of your sexuality. You want to be sure and affirmative when you say it so other people will take you seriously. If you still can't look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're gay...and smile about it, then I think you should keep on working at it. If you're not quite at the point of explosion, just stick around here and read other threads, get advice. Feel free to message me also. That's pretty much how I worked up the nerve to come out. Seeing other people's experiences. Seeing that gay people were real people. They were a lot like me and that a lot of them had other thoughts on their minds other than laying with men, which is the common perception. It was an eye opening experience to say the least. One of the guys I met way back when was Franklin, he's actually on the site here.. We've been friends for about 6 years now and he talked to me through some pretty tough times. He's known me from the depressed, closeted state I was in..until now, as a confident gay guy who's a hopeless romantic lmao. Anywho. Saying all that to say experiences from others will help you get the courage boost you need to choose someone close to confide in about your sexuality. Chances are that if your dad has NOTHING to say about homosexuals, as a topic he brought up or in passing, chances are he's an open book. Good luck with everything. And like I said, feel free to message me or some other folk here, we're all pretty cool and can give you similar experiences and how we overcame them!
Wow, thanks Pat, it's nice to know that people care! I will for sure message you when I need some advice! And thank you for the advice on my dad. I am going to test the waters out and try to see if he has an opinion of LGBT people. I'll update soon!
