I have been making videos on YouTube for over 7 years and I just posted a video tonight coming out and, even though this makes me a bit nervous, I just feel so angry with the responses I am getting. See the thing is, I have been married to a guy for over 3 years. I explain how this happened, I care about this guy and he is my best friend. I opened up and am so vulnerable in the video yet people are still trying to tell me that I am only bisexual or that I don't know myself. Some are even telling me they don't believe me, just because I made some acting videos YEARS ago. Why would this be an act?? One guy is trying to say that since I don't look happy in the video, it must mean that I'm not really a lesbian. Am I supposed to come out and suddenly be so proud and happy, even though I feel ASHAMED for marrying someone and basically LYING to him and myself and everyone around us about my attraction to him? I know I shouldn't have expected everyone to be supportive, I'm just so annoyed that people seem to ignore that I exposed a part of me that is EXTREMELY HARD to talk about for the first time. My life is going to be changing as a result of coming out and this is scary for me.
What people think about you and say to you doesn't define the person you are, it defines the people they are How can you be so angry at people who are obviously so uncomfortable with someone knowing who they are? I mean why are they so uncomfortable? Do you really care?
I always tell myself: It is the person who makes unreasonably negative comments that has problems, not me. So if someone who couldn't accept me for who I am (although I'm not out yet, but you know what I'm saying), that'd be their problem not mine.
Dont pay them any attention, people at youtube can be really stupid sometimes, and not everybody comprehends how gay people can have straight marriage. They dont understand how a lesbian can bury her sexuality below denial for many years. Straight people usually dont comprehend sexuality denial because, all our lives we have been motivated to follow our sexuality unlike gay people who are pushed to self repression by society. So those commenters are kind of oblivious to your situation, all they do is thinking " impossible! , im straight and it would be impossible to marry someone of my same sex, why would i? So, if she is a lesbian, then is impossible that she would marry a guy, therefore, either she isnt a lesbian or she is bisexual" this is somewhat what they are thinking and why they are reaching the conclusions that are annoying you. They are not seeing the bigger picture, they dont imagine how strong can social and family pressure be, they have never be pressured to pretend to be another orientation other than theirs.(actually i didn't understand either in the past, and i got really shocked when i realized how huge that social pressure can be) Have patience, we are here to give you the support and understanding they didnt give you. Maybe some of them will understand later, maybe you can make another video explaining things with more detail, i dont know, but dont worry too much. Have a nice day (*hug*) :goodluck:
I feel that maybe it was a little rude to doubt your reasoning even though they barely know you. Like previous posts, what they say doesn't define who you are.
Doing anything personal on YouTube will always draw criticism. Just ignore them. Also, congrats on having the courage to come out to literally anyone on planet earth with internet access! I would never have that kind of courage.
It's a very difficult and personal thing ... You tube viewers aren't going to see that, unless they are a very understanding person. I think opening up on such a public platform is leaving you wide open to the negativity that is out there. I'm sorry you are dealing with that but do think that is an inevitable response... Ppl like to cause conflict.
"Have you read the youtube comments lately, gay is synonymous with the lesser", Same Love, Macklemore------- this **
I understand your anger, but keep in mind the internet and especially youtube are kind of infested with merciless cowards. This is why youtube will soon force people to use their real names to leave comments. There are haters in these vids even when it's a 13-14 year old, which is quite pathetic. You are definitely vulnerable after coming out, so i think you should not read the comments.
Brené Brown has talked extensively about this. She used to attach her self-worth to what others thought about her... and was so devastated by the negative comments she got on her Youtube and CNN articles/videos that she went into a deep depression. She said that it took some reflection (and some looking back at her own research) to realize that any time we attach our self-worth in *any* way to what other poeple say... particularly anonymous people... we're doing ourselves a huge disservice because we're trusting other people with our own self-worth. And doing that with Youtube or CNN or the like is all the more terrible because people will say things anonymously that they would *never* say in person. She went on to say that she's learned to not look at any of the comments on any of the places where her videos or articles are posted, and that's twofold: One, she knows she's still vulnerable to negative comments, but two, she also realizes that there's a risk with reading the good comments and letting herself externalize happiness by reading the positive ones. To some extent, we are all guilty of the latter. It's when we let ourselves really be affected, in a way we find really upsetting, that it becomes a real negative for us. Her closing words on that topic were (close to verbatim) "If you're going to be an anonymous chickenshit, I'm not interested in what you have to say. If you're going to say it, be prepared to say it in person... and if you do say it in person, be prepared to get decked." I don't think anyone's promoting violence but... the thought is, I think, right on the money.
From a guy whose youtube chanel is all about coming out and homosexuality: Ignoring Others Opinions of You - YouTube wow it's like this video was made for you!:lol:
