I've made quite a few new friends and they are like so amazing and one of them I know respects the fact I haven't commented on my sexuality and she doesn't go into my sexuality at all despite her having such a awesome gaydar and like having SO MANY gay bestfriends in her previous school. We'll call her X. There is another friend but he's an old friend and we'll call him Y and he watches Glee and stuff but he always drops the occasional 'fag' comment towards me whenever I'm with X or she is touching me in a really intimate way and I don't know why he's so homophobic or he says these comments despite being an avid watcher of Glee and whatnot but I've come to live with it so it doesn't really bother me as much. There's another friend but she's an old friend and she's really stuck up and snooty and thinks highly of herself. We'll call her B. So we were sitting down in a circle and then B says 'Me and X were wondering when the fuck you were going to come out of the closet?' and then X said 'No I never said that' and I literally had nothing to say but laugh like a goofy idiot. I just walked out as an excuse to go do something and X was like 'Are you coming back' and I was like 'Yep'. Then I went on a walk by myself and I was thinking so much about what just happened and if X really said that or did she not and like can I trust her or can I not? I hate B but B and X are close so I don't know what to say and I'm just really conflicted because I feel I'm being pulled out the closet. EVEN Y said that what B said was harsh and that's coming from him! The one that constantly calls me a fag and such. Could someone please suggest how I could like stop overthinking about it because I just went home and listened to depressing music to stop thinking but I just can't! :help:
Tip: Listen to cheerful happy music, it'll help more, I'm sure. Well, I suggest talking this over with X. I think you can trust her (it sounds like it at least). She may have been trying to help you, and sought advice from B. X sounds like a good person, who really cares about you. Remember: No-one can ever force you out of the closet. Ask them not to tell anyone and don't feel pressured to come out, it's your life, your decision, after all.
Thanks for your advice! B just texted me and asked if I was angry at her and I said I'm not angry I just find what she said was rude and that and then she apologised to me and said she has a "bad sense of humour" so is she implying that gay jokes are funny to her?
No, I think she's tapdancing. It's like when someone says something rude and then, in an attempt to take it back, says "I was just joking." It sounds like the people around you know and don't care, so why not just get it out of the way? It sounds like you're nervous... but probably pretty close to ready... and it sounds like it's probably the worst-kept secret among your group in any case
Wow, I never thought of it like that. Even though that's made me upset, I think it's better I know the truth now. You read me like a book, I'm nervous but I know I'm nearly there but I've got one more obstacle to face. I do want to come out but the news will spread around the year so fast and in Year 9 (9th grade) there was a rumour I was Gay and the looks I got and I was ostracised. It took me so long to be apart of society again but it was one sacrifice and that was me 'claiming I was straight'. However, only these new group of friends kept on with what they thought when they saw me join in Year 9 and even though it's only verbal abuse from one. I fear for my safety when it comes to the others in my year because my school is Islam dominated and me too being a Muslim adds to the wound..
I would love to say, "Just come out, be yourself!" but unfortunately the world we live in is harsh and I can only imagine how hard it would be to come out at school, especially one where there is a lot of homophobia like you're describing and where you're worried for your safety. If you feel like you want to wait, wait, it will be easier in some respects when you're out of school, which can be a claustrophobic atmosphere compared to the "real world". I'm also thinking, why would you want to be a part of a homophobic social group? But it's hard not to want to belong in the society that you're already in. If you don't want to wait, this might sound daft, but why not go to a college that's more open-minded? You're sixteen and it's September so presumably you're in year 12, you're in London, there must be plenty of choice? Term's only just started so there's still time. I work in a college in a small town in England and although there are a lot of closed-minded people in the town there are students at the college who are out and feel safe because we really promote equality for everyone, no matter their religion, sexuality, or whatever. Just a suggestion I thought I'd put out there to remind you that you have options I'm still in the process of coming out myself so I know it's really hard. Good luck, whatever you decide to do
