So I'm bored lately, single and, for the most part, ready to mingle. Since last school year began, I told myself that if anyone asked if I had a girlfriend, (No? Why not), etc or just flat out asked me if I was gay I'd just be honest. Here's how many people asked: 2. Both were of the "why don't you have a girlfriend" variety. One was some guy at work, another was my brother's girlfriend, so... I got very little work done in a year. Reason? I apparently do not emit enough gayness for anyone to catch on. Um... okay. But that's how people think, I guess. So here's my problem. I WANT it to just be out there. I'm done making a big deal of it myself, really, I'm over it, I'm comfortable with it, I love myself, the list goes on. And really if other people want to make it a big deal, I'm ready for it. More than ready. The only problem is that I don't come across gay enough for anyone to actually raise any eyebrows, everyone has been really surprised. So my plan of being honest will probably lead down the same road as last year. I know a really easy solution, changing the myspace status. Oh, yes, the myspace status. The only thing is I've had it (and all of the other things in the "Details" section) hidden since I made it because even as I made the myspace I had serious doubts about my sexuality, and I really feel like it'll seem too much like I'm forcing it on people by all of a sudden having it pop out and be like "W000000 I'm a homo!!!!!". you know? Like I said, I'm ready to be out, but I don't think that is the most tactful way, for me at least. I have a few friends that I'm not out to yet, and I'm acquainted with a lot of guys that would instantly back away from me if they saw that. You know, the guys you talk to in English class. Who are really cool to talk to you, but wouldn't want to be friends with "the gay kid". I know you guys are going to say "they shouldn't care or they're not worth it" but I've heard from the horse's mouth that my best friend would never have spoken to me if he'd found out that I'm gay before we started becoming friends. And now, I couldn't ask for anyone more supportive and caring. I have to say, this is eats at me most. I'm well-liked at school, so I kind of feel that I'm essentially throwing away a ton of acquaintanceships that could otherwise potentially be the start of great friendships, and existing friendships too. I'm ready to come out on face value and take all the shit about being gay. But I don't want to throw away these people. See, when I think about it like that, I almost completely write off the idea of coming out like that. But I have to be realistic, I probably won't get out any other way besides holding a press conference or something. Or gaying it up, which is nowhere close to being an option. I am myself, I'm not changing for anything. Sorry for my rant... Any thoughts/ suggestions?
You can't be out without risking the stupid people not talking to you because they think there's something wrong with that. Well, unless you build up a circle of friends completely separate from school who you're out to, I guess. There actually is a lot to be said for the "press conference" approach, because it's immediate and far-reaching and as long as you're willing to handle the consequences... Usually the best way to handle it if you're not into drawing the attention that the press conference tends to draw is to just stop censoring yourself around other people. Like if someone says, "Wow that girl is so hot," you can reply with "Actually that guy over there really does it for me more." I mean the first few times it'll possibly shocking but if you treat it low-key, other people tend to follow that lead. But because society is completely and utterly heterosexist, if you don't say anything that could lead people to consider the possibility, it is highly unlikely they will "go there" of their own volition. Even if someone suspects you're gay, asking if you were or saying that they think you are is still considered extremely insulting and inappropriate so unless you "emit more gay" (LOL btw) in some kind of way, people will assume you're straight. You can't really mingle if you don't let people know who you wanna mingle with, if that makes sense. Without the whole "parallel" life creation I mentioned above, you have to work with what you've got.
I definitely see what you mean, and I understand that I'll just have to do it and get it over with, but like I said what makes me doubtful that I should come out is my best friend. He used to be a serious homophobe until he found out that I'm gay. Now whenever we go out he's asking me if I think he's hot, what about him, etc. (lol i dont even have to ask with him and girls, there is nothing as funny and obvious as when a straight guy is checking out a girl. brings a smile to my face. priceless.) I guess that's what I'm afraid of. But I guess all I can do is tell myself that it is what it is, and it happened for a reason.
I see your point but honestly, you're not responsible for opening every closed mind by befriending people without coming out to them and then coming out to them later on and showing them the error of their ways. That's a pretty insane burden to take on. For every person who might reject you on initially finding out you're gay, I would say there would be at least another who would think it was cool or not think anything much about it at all. Well, okay, that would be the case out of high school, I'm guessing. I guess in high school it's... wait, are you still in high school or are you at uni? Two very different environments but I'm guessing you get what I mean. You don't want to go around making friends with people under false pretences in the hope that once you let them in on the truth, they'll change their point of view. Not that it can't happen, and not it's isn't great when it does, but living your whole life like that? Everyone deserves people who appreciate and value them for who they are on Day One. That doesn't mean cool situations like what happened with your best friend can't and don't and shouldn't happen, but it would be really... awkward to structure your life around the expectation it will happen or the fear that if you are more open about who you are, you will be missing out on all these opportunities to be friends with the initially-bigoted.
I'm a little confused... You want to be out but you don't want to be out. I mean... there will come a point where if enough people know you're gay the whole school will know. So whether you do it one person at a time, really causally, or all at once with a myspace update, you'll end up in the same place. And doing it all at once gets you there a lot faster probably. And the sooner you're out, the sooner you're likely to meet someone. Go for it!
