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24 - still closeted with my family and it's killing me.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HelloGround42, Sep 12, 2013.

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  1. HelloGround42

    HelloGround42
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    Hey, so the title pretty much sums up everything. I'm 24 years old, and I'm still not out to my family.

    My friends know, hell - my coworkers know. To 99% of people, if they ask me, I don't lie. To my family, I'm as straight as I've 'always' been.

    The question has been raised several times throughout my life, dating as back as 7th or 8th grade. The one time my mother asked me, I told her that, yes I was gay, she shrugged it off and told me it was a "phase." I was 22 then.

    I know at this point, it seems as though I've done enough. Coming out to friends and whatnot never was a problem, most people were super accepting. More than a few were excited for me - I believe one of my coworkers told me, "It's the best thing I've heard all month." My family has been a much harder nut to crack.

    Should I just give up trying to make them understand? Or should I keep trying to stay open with them? I'm really at a loss for what to do.

    On more than one occasion, I've broken off relationships or been broken up with due to the 'secrecy.' It's actively starting to take a toll on my romantic and social life.

    Anyway, that's that. Any advice would be welcomed.
     
    #1 HelloGround42, Sep 12, 2013
  2. jonnyNZ

    jonnyNZ
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    Have you tried talking your your mother about the relationships you've had? She may then not think it's just a phase... but then again if the question has been raised several times, would it be such a big surprise?
    What about the rest of your family - have they ever asked/suspected? How do you think they'd react?
     
    #2 jonnyNZ, Sep 13, 2013
  3. PyroSpark

    PyroSpark
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    Honestly, I think you care way too much what your family thinks at 24. If you're with a dude, let it be known. Why be secretive? It's not like they'll think it's a phase after that.
     
    #3 PyroSpark, Sep 13, 2013
  4. hitgirl

    hitgirl
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    PyroSpark, you're totally right, but it's hard to just be totally open and blase about it all! HelloGround42, I totally sympathise, it must suck to have gone to the effort of coming out only to have to do it again because your mom didn't take it seriously. I don't really know what you should do, but as you said the secrecy is ruining your relationships, I guess maybe you could tell your mom that it's really upset you that she won't accept that you're gay and that you want to be able to be open with her about your relationships. So maybe she'll realise the impact it's having on you.
     
    #4 hitgirl, Sep 13, 2013
  5. csm123

    csm123
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    Hi helloground 42

    If you have told your mom and she chose to not believe you,perhaps its time for a different approach.

    Could you try being more open in front of her,just mention about meeting your boyfriend,or going out on a date.If she questions you on a remark or asks if you are gay,then you just remind her that you have already told her once,and it certainly is not a phase after all of this time.Even if she chooses to ignore any of your "gay" remarks,it will certainly be sinking in on her subconscious mind and will help her come to terms with it.

    Good luck
     
    #5 csm123, Sep 14, 2013
  6. GayNerd

    GayNerd
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    If your parents are Homophobic, wait until you can support yourself. Or, you can move in with your friend and then tell your parents.

    If your parents are not Homophobic, sit them down, and just say it. Be prepared for questions they might ask. Your parents will most likely be shocked as well.

    If you need any more advice, I'm here. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 GayNerd, Sep 14, 2013
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