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Was I at fault? (Long story, but please read)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Perrygay, May 25, 2008.

  1. Perrygay

    Perrygay Guest

    I've been having drama up in my life the last few days, and I want an honest opinion from non-biased parties.

    Up until March I was hanging out a lot with this girl, let's just call her Rachel. Rachel and I went everywhere together, and had TONS of fun. And I'm not gonna lie, we went to a lot of crazy parties together. But the two of us never did anything really hardcore because, before I met Rachel, she used to do some hardcore shit at those parties and she didn't want to get caught up in it again.

    But in March we just stopped hanging out because I met some different people, and she did too. So, last week she randomly calls me at three in the morning telling me she had just gotten into a wreck. And of course I was worried about her and wanted to help her. But I thought it was a little shady when all she wanted to talk about was borrowing money from me. So anyway, looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong story short, she was never in a wreck. Another one of her friends told me she only wanted money from me because she's on drugs again. So of course I'm not giving her money, because how am I supposed to know what she's going to do with it? So she started talking a lot of shit to a lot of people, but thankfully no one listens to her.

    So last night, she was hanging out with my neighbor, just some random guy who just happened to be in my German class. And when I was at work this morning (at the grocery store where I work), his mom came in and told me that he came home on drugs last night and that he was with Rachel. So I told her that Rachel used to be on drugs a few years ago, but I wasn't sure about now. I wasn't trying to get involved, which is why I didn't tell her anything about what's going on with her now.

    Of course, my neighbor found out and told Rachel an inflated story about what I told his mom. So tonight, Rachel showed up on my doorstep with a bunch of her friends wanting to basically fight me, and wouldn't you know it every single one of them was drunk. My mom was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO pissed, and found the whole story out from my brother. Now my mom, neighbor, and my neighbor's parents are mad at me, and Rachel is out of her mind mad at me (which is made 20 times worse by the fact she's strung out on drugs and drunk).

    What do y'all think, is any of this my fault? Because I tried my hardest to stay out of all this drama, but I ended up getting put right in the middle :tears: .
     
  2. xxxDEZxxx

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    honestly to me....

    its NOT ur fault! its not. I dont even see why they are mad at you. I see no reason for them to be mad at you. you have done nothing wrong. I can see why the girl and her friends might be mad at you. but i see no reason for the others to be mad at you.
     
  3. BlueRose

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    Agreed. From what you said, it looks like you tried to not get involved, but they just pulled you in. I suppose you could have denied knowing she was ever on drugs, but that doesn't seem quite right to me. But, again, I don't see how they are mad at YOU (except maybe Rachel) when they SHOULD be mad at Rachel (except maybe Rachel, but then again she probably should be mad at herself for getting on drugs in the first place, but that's just my opinion).
     
  4. Louise

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    This is probably not what you want to hear but I think you do bear some of the blame. Firstly you are paying for your past, if you hang with people who are into drugs sooner or later the mud will stick, you didn't have to tell your neighbour anything when you met her in the grocery store and if you hadn't hung out with this girl she would never have come banging at your door with a crowd of drunk mates so sorry but yes your mum has a right to be mad.

    That Rachel is doing drugs is not your fault, that she came to your house is not completely your fault, that your neighbour's son is hanging out with Rachel is not your fault but what is happening is your past is catching up with you and you are paying for poor choices you made.

    You can calm things down if you apologise to your mum for the fact that Rachel turned up at your house, for your neighbour there is nothing you can do but since you talked to her about Rachel you put yourself in the equation and you will have to put up with her anger and as for Rachel, cut her out of your life, she is serious bad news and if you want to get on you can't allow yourself to hang out with that sort of unstable person.
     
  5. Lexington

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    "It's not my fault" is a common cry, but in actuality, blame is like fertilizer - there's always plenty to spread around. And yeah, some of it is going to end up on your shoes.

    I'd say your main bad move was telling Neighbor's Mom. It wasn't a HUGE mistake or anything, as you were probably just confirming what she already thought. But had you simply said, "Wow, that's tough", then they wouldn't have had anything to hang on you.

    But, as always, the question shouldn't be "who's to blame?" It's "now what?"

    First off, yeah, apologize to your mother. Explain what happened, and try to lay off the "it's not my fault" bit - just fill her in on the story.

    Secondly, cut all contact with Rachel. She's got bad news written all over her.

    Thirdly, about your neighbor...whatever, I guess. Let him hate you. If he really thinks you're the source of his problems, he's more than welcome to.

    Lex
     
  6. TeeBe

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    Saying "it's not my fault" is a little bit finniky. Hear me out.

    Did you do anything wrong? I don't think so. Telling your neighbours mother what you know was responsible. Now your neighbour will be pressured to get help, as will your "friend". Parents are generally good at keeping us on the right track, even if we don't always like/appreciate it at the time.

    Does your mother have a right to be upset with you? I don't think so. You could try explaining to her why you have concerns about your friend, and why your friend is angry with you.

    Do your friend and your neighbour have a right to be angry with you? Oh yes. Oh yes. Just think of the hot water they are in now! (Well, I guess it isn't a "right" per se, but anyone would be fumed at being in that much trouoble, no?)

    So is this your "fault"? Well, you brought it about, but it isn't a bad thing. They both need help, and now they will get it (whether they like it or not...). It is hard to cut off friendships, but try not to get yourself involved. It is okay if your friend knows you are there for her, but I would definately wait for her to come to you, and NOT the other way around.
     
  7. BookWorm

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    It was not your fault in any which way, your neighbors are of corse are going to be angry for not telling them the full-out details, but that was your choice, and i understand why you didn't want to get involved. I don't blame you, i would've probably done the same thing.
     
  8. PopUpsSuck17

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    I think that everyone has some fault in something like that, because it always just sort of.....escalates into one big dramatic thing. Everyone made their contribution, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's somebody's fault. You did what you could, and you had good intentions (or at least not bad ones). So....No. You didn't do anything really wrong, everything just sort of....went wrong, and that's just the way things fell into place :/ And even if you had, it wouldn't really help to dwell on it too much, so . . . yeah :slight_smile: Try not to pull your hair out over it!
     
  9. Mirko

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    I think it is good that you did not give her any money as she might have spent it on drugs, a habit that your friend should seriously get rid of. I do agree with Lex that you should apologize to your mom. Explain to her what happened and I'm sure she will understand.

    As for your friends, I think it is time that you start leaving them out of your life for good. In that way your past won't come back to haunt you and your friends will not be a bad influence on you again. As for your neighbor's mom or parents, they should be thankful that someone told them that their son has gotten to know someone who might drag their son down the gutter with her! Having said this, and this is where I agree with Louise, telling this your friend's mom in the grocery store might not have been the best place or choice for that matter. By telling her you become part of it whether you like it or not.

    You can't change what happened. Don't dwell on it or worry too much about it. I hope this helps!
     
  10. Perrygay

    Perrygay Guest

    Thanks y'all, you give good responses. I guess I really shouldn't have told her that Rachel was on drugs last year, but I thought because I said I didn't know about her now that I was kind of off the hook. But yea, it's just better to keep your mouth shut in a situation like that.
     
  11. RGX Guy

    RGX Guy Guest

    no u rn't at fault. Its not ur fault they r strung out on drugs. They will get over it. Maybe their stained reputations will make them sober up